Category Archives: spam

Is It Spam?

Lately I’ve been getting spam. At least I think it is. WordPress spam. Or rather, spam ON WordPress. Like this:

Hello you have a great weblog over here! Thanks for posting this interesting stuff for us! If you keep up the great work I’ll visit your weblog again. Thanks!

Which doesn’t really look like the spam (“special ofir act fast get new imitation rollex now”) I normally get. (Although I do wonder why “kinky-dating” is sending it to me.)

Then I realized – wait a minute, how does anyone really know that it’s spam? Other than the subject line “get your sex, drugs, and sex drugs here”, what makes spam spam and not just a poorly written, haphazardly constructed, grammatically maladjusted assortment of incomprehensible syllables?

In other words, what if it’s poetry?

Seriously. A normal person reading this:

thoroughly oiled the universal
joint tested my gas felt of
her radiator made sure her springs were O.
K.) i went right to it flooded-the-carburetor cranked her

is thinking: Wow. Written by the king of sex spammers.

Normal persons would be wrong.

Which would cause a normal person to read this:

Horrible yells power fan whether it really change?
and generally how to do it?
stupidly unscrew 4 screws
and put a new one –
there are nuances?

and think: This at least kinda makes sense. Must be poetry.

Normal persons would, again, be wrong.

At which time normal persons who should know better would read this:

What he has now to say is a long
wonder the world can bear & be.
Once in a sycamore I was glad
all at the top, and I sang.
Hard on the land wears the strong sea
and empty grows every bed.

and think: What the heck? It doesn’t make any sense! I know! I’ll ask a poetry expert.

“Ha!” A poetry expert would respond. “It’s poetry. It doesn’t have to make sense!”

But wait, a normal person would say, look at this one! It’s just about the same:

A lot of time and thought and came to the conclusion
that I wanted to do just the study of the cosmos.
Almost every day you can watch something interesting
out there beyond the planet, and we did no hearing, no spirit.
Why not interested in that? Live harmless interest! And I like.

“Ha!” A poetry expert would respond. “Clearly spam. You obviously don’t know your iambic pentameter from your Longfellow.”

At which point the normal person pulls out this:

Buffalo Bill ‘s
who used to
ride a watersmooth-silver
and break onetwothreefourfive pigeonsjustlikethat

And this:

Share your thoughts who
will be the new vaccine vaccinated who
have traditionally and who
say to wash the nose and mouth soap

The poetry expert merely snorts. “The first is an award winning verse penned by the ground-breaking e.e.cummings; the second is gibberish. You can’t tell the difference?”

At which point normal people decide to become spam kings.