Category Archives: Scott Walker

Madison WI: Somewhere Deep Under the Capitol

Top Secret Strategy Meeting at Scott Walker HQ:

White Guy #1: Listen guys, I’ve called this meeting today because we have a crisis.

White Guy #2: So what else is new?

White Guy #1: Not funny, #2. Listen, last time we convinced the fools – with the help of Koch money – that “it’s working.” Wisconsin was “open for business” and we were “moving in the right direction.” Those “unions” were to blame for a massive deficit – that didn’t really exist – with their outrageous salaries and benefits. And then we told them how we saved “a billion dollars” by ending collective bargaining. But that crap only goes so far. Now we have another budget that screws the little guy while rewarding the wealthy. We have to sell them on it. But how?

White Guy #3: I think we’re in deep do-do here. I, mean, how stupid can they be?

White Guy #2: I think you’re overestimating their intelligence.

White Guy #1: No way – we were pushing the envelope last time.

White Guy #2: Wrong. Do you seriously think anyone who had even an ounce of intelligence would believe a word of what we say at this point? I mean, we kept telling people Walker was focused “like a laser” on jobs as we pushed through an extremist agenda that didn’t have anything to do with the subject! It was masterful! $2.3 billion in tax breaks to special interests. Repeal the equal pay law, repeal consumer protections, repeal tenant rights, roll back reproductive rights, roll back environmental protections, push through tort “reform” that protected businesses and victimized patients! At the same time, we plunged toward the bottom in job creation and economic outlook! Conservatives around the country were in awe! I mean – Scotty told one whopper after another and anytime he got fact-checked, all we had to do was blame it on the liberal media. Look at his record on politifact! I tell you these sheeple are so dumb we could blame poor people for global warming and the masses will not only believe it – they’ll be buying pitchforks and torches.

White Guy #3: No way. Scotty is restricting unemployment benefits, food stamps, health insurance for the needy – that has no fiscal impact on the budget.

White Guy #2: Way.

White Guy #1. Wait a minute … I think #3 might be on to something. Let’s see. The budget is designed to … hmmm —

White Guy #2: Entitlements!

White Guy #1: What?

White Guy #2: Call them entitlements.

White Guy #3: But that’s not accurate!

White Guy #2: Who cares about being accurate?

White Guy #1: Yes, yes, I’m beginning to understand – entitlements and … dependency!

White Guy #2: Now you got it! And use the word “reforms” – sheeple just eat that up.

White Guy #1: Balancing our budget through entitlement reforms! We’re not depriving the needy to give more to the greedy – we’re giving the poor a hand up, not a hand out! Moving them from dependency to independence.

White Guy #3: What? Are you guys nuts? This has nothing to do with the budget! And doesn’t save taxpayers any money! The real problem is Scotty’s corporate welfare! He’s throwing money at special interests and slashing funding for everything else!

White Guy #2 (to Guy #3): Do you like working here?

White Guy #1: It’s brilliant! Blame those non-existent slackers sucking up our tax dollars! We can use random meaningless words like “Freedom”, “Prosperity” and “Independence.” Or better yet: “More Prosperity,” “Better Performance,” and “True Independence.” And PowerPoint! We can dazzle the masses with PowerPoint! You know – lots of charts and bullet points, but no real information, the mindless masses just LOVE that crap. And we can pay for all of the propaganda with tax dollars!

White Guy #2: I beat you to it. Already have it prepared for release. We’ll start with USA Today. I call it “Government dependence not American Dream.”

How many of us grew up with the dream of someday being dependent on the government?

I certainly did not. The idea just seems foreign to the American Dream.

Sadly, there are some in our nation’s capital who measure success in government by how many are dependent on the government. The massive expansion of Medicaid, waivers of work programs for food stamps and the extension of unemployment benefits may all be well-intentioned, but is more government dependence really such a good thing?”

Guy #3: Wait a minute, none of that is true!

Guy #1: Shut up. Go on, #2.

There is dignity in working hard to provide for a future of your own choosing. In turn, it leads to more freedom and more prosperity for all.

Last Wednesday, I introduced a state budget focused on helping people transition from government dependency to true independence.

Our plans forgo the temptation of the temporary financial incentives from Washington to expand Medicaid. Instead, we crafted a plan reducing the number of uninsured in our state by 224,580.

For the rest, we transition them into the private and exchange markets, where the lowest premium starts at $19 per month.”

White Guy #3: That’s not true either!

White Guy #1: I’m not saying this again, #3. Shut up.

White Guy #2 (continuing): “Our budget plans provide employment training for able-bodied childless adults receiving food stamps.

Going forward, more than 75,000 people in our state will be enrolled in job training in order to obtain food stamps.

In addition, we are looking to double the weekly requirement for jobs searches for those on unemployment from two times a week to four or more.”

White Guy #3: But how are people working full-time going to be able to take job training? And how will people in job training be able to look for work at least four times a week? This makes no sense!

White Guy #2 (ignoring the interruption): “It is important to give temporary hand up to those in need, but for those who are able, we should not provide a permanent hand out. Our goal is simple: transition people from government dependence to true independence.

It’s why we celebrate the 4th of July and not April 15th. In our country, we celebrate true independence because more freedom and more prosperity are what drive the American Dream.”

White Guy #3: But it’s all just a load of bull!

White Guy #2: So what’s your point?

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Another Top 10 List

As we head into the election season for, among other things, Supreme Court Justice, a refresher about the job might be helpful.

Top 10 Reasons to be a Supreme Court Justice:

10.You can honestly say you’re one of the Supremes.

9.  Wherever you go you can chant, “Here Comes da Judge!”

8.  Black never goes out of style.

7.  You’re always ready for funerals.

6.  “One size fits all” robes never pinch your waist.

5.  Gavels make great nutcrackers.

4.  You can finally get even with all those people who wouldn’t let you cheat off
their exams in law school.

3.  If you don’t snore, you can sleep with your eyes open and no one will know.

2.  People think you’re smart when you shout out cool Latin phrases like “Carpe
Vitro Veritas.”

1.  Nobody knows when you’re naked under your robe.

Top 10 Reasons NOT to be a Supreme Court Justice in Wisconsin

10. Not allowed to make lawyers walk on hot coals for personal enjoyment.

9.  The other justices make weird faces when you chant, “Here Comes da
Judge!”

8.  Annette Zeigler insists on being called “Supreme Ruler of Planet Barbie.”

7.  David Prosser doesn’t think it’s funny when you flush all his copies of “Mein Kampf” down the toilet.

6.  They won’t let you keep a llama in your office.

5.  Real judicial decorum means you can’t call the Chief Justice a “bitch.” (Even if you can choke people if you want to.)

4. Because, when campaigning for re-election to what on paper is a non-partisan office, even though you are “neutral and independent“, people accuse you of being a party hack just because you attend Republican events, choose the former executive director of the Wisconsin Republican Party as your campaign advisor,  choose as his assistant the former deputy director of the Wisconsin Republican party and most recently Wisconsin political director for the Republican National Committee, have as your bookkeeper the same person who is also Republican Gov. Scott Walker’s campaign treasurer and your campaign donor list is a who’s who of Republican leaders, including Republican Gov. Scott Walker’s campaign chair, who, only by coincidence, was general counsel for the Republican National Committee from 1996 until 2000, was the Republican National Committeeman for Wisconsin during 1984–2002, and was a delegate to Republican National Conventions from 1984 to 2000.

3.  Scott Walker won’t shut up about his trip to Cali.

2.  Even though you deserve it, nobody ever plays the Darth Vader theme music when you enter the room

1.  Prosser is naked under his robe.

Survivor: Northwoods

At a meeting of the invitation-only Libertarian Billionaires Club in an exclusive Palm Springs resort, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker (R) today announced his plan to transform his state’s education system with an innovative initiative, which he claims will give parents and students legitimate alternatives to under-performing, under-funded schools.

In a move Republicans heralded as “bold” and “visionary,” Walker will “level the playing field” when it comes to school funding: Wisconsin students will now battle to the death for state aid.

“When I watched The Hunger Games last week with Tonette and the boys (love that new HD big screen – thanks Diane), I realized how much fun it was to see kids so focused on healthy competition, and how it fit perfectly with my proclamation of 2013 as the Year of Well-Being.

In fact, at first I thought it was a new reality show but then Tonette slapped me on my bald spot and said no you idjit it’s a movie, and, as I rubbed my head, I realized this was really an exciting opportunity for more of my common sense reforms.

So I called a meeting of my Education Policy Advisors at the mansion and, after some hot ham and rolls, we watched the movie together so he would understand my vision. The resulting budget outlines the key provisions which allow students, parents, and schools greater funding parity among all education sectors.

Every child, regardless of their zip code, deserves access to a great education. While it is our goal to help struggling schools succeed, we need to make sure students and parents can choose the best option and make sure each child receives the opportunity for a truly great education even if they come from a poor school district.

To help them help themselves, effective with the new budget:

On an annual basis, each school district will select, by lottery, 2 students (from grades K-12) as tributes who will travel to the MacKenzie Center, which is being reformed into a hunting, fishing, and trapping training facility.

After two weeks of training with a private-sector mentor, they will be released into a fenced private hunting preserve where they will begin their struggle for survival. The entire event will be available for a fee on pay-per-view, with rights sold at my complete discretion for any price – or none, as I see fit.

Viewers will have unique opportunities to participate by donating on-line to my campaign. Sponsors (who did not sign a recall petition) can, for an additional fee, send gifts such as food, medicine, and tools to the young Republican players of my choice. Other donors can choose options designed to enhance the competition, such as ‘release the hounds.’

The sole survivor earns full funding for his or her district for the coming school year.

Because we believe in a hand up, not a hand-out, the hard work of the fallen will not be ignored, preserving an essential safety net for our neediest, while protecting our state’s taxpayers from uncertainty. Their home districts will receive the amount of state aid allocated to the district of each of their victims. So the more you kill, the more you earn. If, on the other hand, you’re a lazy sloucher, our plan will help break cycles of generational dependence and motivate you to work harder to stay alive.

I know those liberal lefties in Dane County will scoff and claim this is unfair, that students from the rich, Republican districts will have an undue advantage, but I say look at the real-life example set by Katniss Everdeen, a poor, white girl from a rural district who won the contest with hard work and the right attitude. With the right attitude, your child can too.”

The American Taliban: A Cult of Hate

Manhattan, New YorkChicago, Illinois. Oak Creek, Wisconsin. Aurora, Colorado. Tucson, Arizona. Fort Hood, Texas.

The United States has the honor of being the global leader in mass shootingsat least 60 in the last 30 years. Most of the killers got their guns legally.

And it will continue.

We have created a perfect storm for slaughter: unregulated weapons and a cult of hate.

Conservative leaders, almost all fundamental Christians (and all of them members of the Republican party), have identified their enemy – anyone who doesn’t share their faith or narrow world view: Muslims, illegal aliens, members of the LGBT community, minorities, progressives – even teachers and first responders are demonized.

And they tell their followers how that enemy should be neutralized.

Republican Sarah Palin’s motto is: “Don’t Retreat, reload!” She created an online campaign push against Democrats from 20 conservative districts (“Take back the 20”) who had voted for the health care bill, including a map of the United States complete with crosshair targets located over those districts. One of those districts was (now former) Rep. Gabrielle Giffords‘.

Rep. Giffords’ Republican opponent, Jesse Kelly, held an event in June 2010 promoted as “Get on target for victory … help remove Gabrielle Giffords from office shoot a fully automatic M16 with Jesse Kelly.”

Republican candidate Sharon Angle suggested that “Second Amendment remedies” should be used to deal with a “tyrannical” U.S. government as well as to replace her opponent (Democrat) Harry Reid.

Republican Rep. Michele Bachmann wanted her supporters to be armed and dangerous.”

Joe the Plumber, currently a Republican candidate for Congress in Ohio, announced that the way to solve the country’s immigration problem is to station troops along the border and have them “start shooting.”

A (Republican) Texas judge is preparing for civil war if Obama is re-elected.

Republican Tommy Thompson, former Wisconsin governor and now candidate for U.S. Senate, laughingly and enthusiastically called for making Scott Walker protestors “black and blue.”

Republican Governor Scott Walker himself, good Christian that he is, was taped laughing about beating protestors with a baseball bat with his name on it.

Gun-toting Republican musician Ted Nugent recently implied that he would assassinate President Obama if he is re-elected.

These are not isolated incidents. These are a systemic and systematic effort among conservatives to incite hatred, to prevail over those they oppose or dislike (or with whom they merely disagree) with extreme measures in a stand your ground, make my day, let anyone buy whatever kind of killing machine they can carry anywhere and anytime because by God they have God on their side.

These are fanatics.

On August 1, 2012, The National Hispanic Media Coalition and UCLA Chicano Studies Research Center released a study showing that the conservative media consistently spews the same hate-filled vitriol as conservative leaders. “The findings reveal that the hosts promoted an insular discourse that focused on, for example, anti-immigration, anti-Islam, and pro-Tea Party positions and that this discourse found repetition and amplification through social media.”

“The social network surrounding conservative talk radio and Fox News has spread to social media websites resulting in ‘an echo-chamber of voices, both online and off, that promotes hatred against ethnic, racial and religious groups and the LGBT community on social media web sites.’

Using hateful rhetoric, these hosts have cast immigrants as disease ridden, equated pro-immigrant organizations with neo-Nazis, called Islam an ‘evil religion,’ claimed the Obama administration is promoting ‘race riots’ and made fun of the ethnicity of Asian-American politicians.”

And they all oppose gun control.

Not surprisingly, the NRA supports them.

How to Succeed in Government Without Even Trying

Do you want to earn big bucks?

Do you want great benefits?

Do you want to go straight to the top without wasting days or even hours getting “qualified” or gaining knowledge and experience?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions – and you live in Wisconsin – then we have the system for you. It’s called the “Scott Crony Appointment Method” (SCAM) and it works.

Here are just a few of the lucky people who can verify the benefits of SCAM.

Ryan M. was an ordinary college graduate before he signed up with SCAM. A short time later, after sucking up to several key Republicans as an aide or campaign worker, he was appointed the head of a Wisconsin state agency (with a budget of almost $162 million) at a salary of $105,000 a year complete with a benefit and retirement package honest Americans can only dream about.

Cathy S. was part-owner of a construction business when, thanks to SCAM, she  become head of the state agency in charge of protecting natural resources complete with a six figure salary. Did she have any experience in natural resources management? Did she have a college degree? Did she have any experience administering a huge, multifaceted agency? Did she even know what “nature” is?  Of course not! That’s the beauty of SCAM! She didn’t need any of that stuff! All she needed was her background as a Scott Walker supporter and political crony!

SCAM has worked for hundreds of people – and it can work for you, too. Have a bad driving record? No problem with SCAM.

Brian D. had no qualifications but he did have two drunken-driving convictions. Yet with SCAM he still landed an $81,500-per-year job in Scott Walker’s administration overseeing dozens of employees at the Department of Commerce – and – even though Walker claimed Wisconsin was broke and public employees were overpaid, Brian still earned a promotion AND a 26% pay raise in just two months. All it took was a lobbyist dad who gave big bucks to Scott Walker’s campaign.

Perhaps you already have the job of your dreams so would prefer an appointment to a cushy commission instead of a cushy job.  No problemo – SCAM fits the bill!

One of those commissions is the state Judicial Commission, expected to “enforce high standards of judicial behavior, both on and off the bench, without compromising judicial independence.” The members “strive to maintain public confidence in the judiciary by providing a forum for the expeditious and fair disposition of complaints of judicial misconduct and disability.”

Skeptics might think a lack of impartiality, any knowledge of the law or judicial ethics might be a disadvantage – but they’ll become true believers once they see SCAM in action and learn that no donation goes unrewarded!

Eileen B. was an ordinary homemaker and ardent conservative whose qualifications were her long-term marriage and the $5,350 she gave Republican campaigns. But with SCAM, those qualifications were more than enough to became a new member of the Judicial Commission.

Dentist Mark B. and anesthesiologist Assef S. also seemed hopelessly unqualified but both were “fiercely conservative” Republican donors who would do what was needed when investigating the pending ethics complaints against former Republican Assemblyman and current Supreme Court Justice David Prosser. It was mere coincidence that both were recommended by a former Republican Assembly speaker who once worked for Prosser.

Once again, SCAM worked its mysterious magic and both were appointed!

What’s the catch? There is none! Think it won’t work for you? Nonsense! It works for anyone with a checkbook! Just put aside your ethics and principles and put SCAM to work for you today!

How to Be an Insufferable Bore

Be born George Will.

Yes, I know I’ve written too damn much about politics lately, but only because that’s all that’s on the damn television, damn radio, and in the damn newspapers because Walker and the Kochs have purchased all the television stations, radio stations, and newspapers north of Illinois so we can’t even talk about the weather because the forecast every day for the past three months has been, “and we’re predicting a continued period of sunshine for billionaires with another 30 months of Scott Walker.”

And it’s not just here: popinjays are using national platforms to publish puff pieces praising Walker that endlessly repeat the same poppycock.

Like George Will.

Enough, I say sir. Enough.

Dear George,

Perhaps the rarefied atmosphere at your altitude is the reason for the fractured fairy tale you authored that appeared in print and online beginning June 1, 2012, parroting Scott Walker’s propaganda about public workers. Back here on earth we call it balderdash.

First: lack of fact checking. Nobody here in Wisconsin has ever heard of anything called a “5 and 12” plan.  And the other stuff you spit out, seemingly at random?  Many public workers already contributed significant percentages toward their health plans and pension fund out of their regular paychecks – and all of them also paid with pre-tax dollars in the form of deferred compensation.

Second: try the truth, it shall set you free.

You said “For 16 months, Wisconsin … has been riven by furious attempts to punish Walker for keeping his campaign promise to change the state’s unsustainable fiscal trajectory driven by the perquisites of government employees.”

Where does one begin? No one is furiously attempting to “punish Walker” – although he never campaigned on ending collective bargaining for public workers (he also admitted eliminating it had no fiscal impact on the state budget). Nor were we on an “unsustainable fiscal trajectory” nor was that nonexistent trajectory “driven by the perquisites of government employees.”

Scotty didn’t inherit a “$3.6 billion deficit” from the prior administration. What we had was a structural deficit (difference between expected revenue and expected budget requests from public agencies) for the next budget period. We always have a structural deficit because public agencies always ask for more than they think they will get.

We also have a state constitution that requires a balanced budget. So we also always have a balanced budget (at least on paper). As in prior years, the challenge was to reconcile the difference between estimated revenues and estimated budget requests.

Estimated revenues were down because of the recent global economic meltdown. So what does Scotty do? He immediately gives massive tax breaks to his cronies ($2.3 billion worth over 10 years).

And please stop telling tales like this one: “what really motivates the unions and elected Democrats is that Walker ended the automatic deduction of union dues from government employees’ pay.” A federal judge has already ruled that the ban on automatic dues deduction is unconstitutional.

(Seriously – you need some help with the problem you have using excessive amounts of overwrought and unfounded rhetoric. Maybe a 12 step program?)

What you coastal talking heads keep ignoring are the facts.

Walker is being recalled (by hundreds of thousands of residents who are neither union members nor public workers) because he: gave tax breaks of more than $2.3 billion to special interests while slashing funding to local governments and for public education, is kicking thousands of children off Badger Care, converted 37 high-level, high-paying merit selection state jobs into personal appointees, made himself the final authority over all rules made by any state agency, pushed through a far-right conservative agenda benefiting a select few (who happened to be his campaign donors), converted the state into a “pay to play” system of cronyism, rolled back worker’s rights, women’s rights (including the Equal Pay Enforcement Act), consumer rights, tenant rights, voting rights, homosexual rights, comprehensive sex education, wetland and environmental protections, and killed off what had been a growing wind energy industry.  And that was just the beginning. He also lied about not raising taxes (increasing taxes on the poor by $49 million), lied about balancing the budget, and is actually running a $143 million deficit.

But that’s not all. He ended up with the worst job record in the country in 2011, raided the mortgage bank settlement designed to help homeowners by diverting more than $25 million toward his budget deficit, and is at the center of a John Doe criminal investigation into illegal campaign activities which has already resulted in criminal charges against multiple former aides (including theft and child enticement) and immunity to several others.

Walker is a man who seriously considered planting instigators in peaceful crowds, laughed about beating people with a bat with his name on it – and sold his soul to the Koch brothers. As the real David Koch said, “We’re helping him, as we should. We’ve gotten pretty good at this over the years. We’ve spent a lot of money in Wisconsin. We’re going to spend more.”

Please stick to writing about baseball – you’re much better at that – and people expect tall tales.

What Your Facebook Posts Say About You!

You’re hip. You’re savvy. You’re cool.

That’s why you use facebook – the now publicly-traded  overpriced social network that lets you rapidly communicate to the entire universe including 178,293 of your closest friends just how much of an illiterate, ignorant, possibly racist, bigot you really are. Only not as fast as if you tweeted the exact same stuff.

How do I know this? Because I can read.

For example, our governor, Scott Walker, has a facebook page. He makes random odd posts like this: “In Whitehall for groundbreaking of $6m expansion @ Ashley Furniture: 225 new jobs!”

(He also tweets, a phenomenon that’s inspired its own facebook page called “Things Scott Walker Tweets,” a page “dedicated to the VERY important, grammatically-correct tweets that Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker posts.”)

Of course Scotty just coincidentally showed up “in Whitehall” for a completely random photo-op which of course must mean that, as a Magical Job Fairy, he had something to do with creating the new jobs (note to party poopers who insist on facts: no he didn’t).

But his legions of admirers, most of whom appear to be from someplace other than Wisconsin (possibly a prison cell in Louisiana), post comments, lots of comments, which, upon careful scrutiny, show a pattern which, upon careful review, tend to indicate certain characteristics. In other words, you can pretty much guess a whole lot about the person without even looking at their page.

For example:

Wonderful! I’m very familiar with Whitehall and Ashley Furniture. They make great furniture. Thank you for what you’ve done for Wisconsin, and Lord willing, what you’ll continue to do in the future:)

Enjoys “The Bible” and being conservative; believes in Magical Job Fairies.

“We love you, Governor Scott! You are a great blessing to your state.”

Lives in Florida; believes the earth is flat.

“Great job Scott Walker !!! Keep up the good work..hopefully Wisc people have a brain in their heads.”

Lives in Illinois. Hopes “Wisc people” have a brain because she has none.

“I don’t live in WI but would be proud to have Scott Walker as mygovernor … whoever said thanks Obama must have their head in the sand. Go Scott Walker….save WIsconsin from the unions.”

Lives in Arizona; is a Fox fan and is “another good Christian” who adores Glenn Beck.

“(1) Obama sucks. (2) Scott Walker will become a National Hero- if the Conservatives of Wisconsin support him on election day- and can keep democratic dead, illegal aliens, and out-of-State SEIU workers from voting for Barrett. Tea Party Voter observers are needed!”

This religious tea pot enjoys Fox News, small-minded bigotry, and traditional conservative intolerance.

“I will buy my new furniture from Ashley…esp. since they are in WI. I will soon be relocating to WI from IL…which is in the state it’s in because of dems and unions.”

Lives in Illinois, believes in Fox News and God (in that order), is geographically impaired and needs to cut back on her meds.

“Guys of WI stay behind this man. You are on the right track and the lefties hate it. It will get where if any good men get elected all the crazies have to do is step in and demand a recall and it gets done.”

Lives in Alabama, believes education is a waste, and is a deeply religious woman whose favorite movie is the real life story of a redeemed hooker called “Pretty Woman.” She gets all her news from Fox and hums “Stand by Your Man” whenever she has to wait for the bathroom.

“Save Wisconsin!! Save the Country!! Damn the socialistic, libtarded Democraps of the party of treason!! Let’s yank our country back from those anti American bastards!!”

Lives in Alaska. Worships Sarah Palin. Loves big guns. Hates books.

I would like to say yes Ashley Furniture Industries is a great Company to work for.They have Great Benifits and Programs out there for their employees. Yet they would not be so successful if it wasn’t for people like Gov. Walker Ashley furniture was at one time based out of Liberal Illinois. There is reason for them no longer being there. Number one reason is Cost Ashley Furniture would have failed if they would have stayed in Illinois due to the fact of Big Labor Unions Bulldozing them and High Taxes. So Thank you Scott Walker For all you do.

An illiterate misogynist who listens to Ted Nugent (and only Ted Nugent), quotes Rush Limbaugh, and is challenged by the deep mysteries of truck and tractor pulls. Believes saying something is a “fact” makes it one.

“Scott Walker will win this stupid re-call because of his courage. Something the Liberals of Wisconsin don’t have…..like running and hiding in Illinois when faced with a difficult challenge!!!! What a bunch of Cowards!!!TGFSW!!!”

Another good Christian who listens to Ted Nugent, wants to bring Jesus Christ back to the forefront of society and the planet, and believes in his god-given right to stand his ground and shoot to kill. Even if it’s a sleep-walking ten-year-old neighbor.

“Good luck Scott. Per North Carolina governor Perdue, their voters are like Mississippi folks. I’m proud to be from a Conservative state who is pro-military, pro-marriage as per our God (man and woman), pro-balanced budget, pro-legal immigration, pro-USA, but anti-Obama.

From Mississippi (but you already knew that, didn’t you) and loves grits, cornpone, lynchings and cross-burnings. Never met a person of color he liked. Believes “they” are destroying this great country. (“They” include blacks, Latinos, and anyone else who is not a single, balding, middle-aged white guy from Mississippi).

It’s easy! Anytime you see “liberal” “libs” libtards” “Obama” “Obummer” “dems” “democrat” “democratic” “unions” “pro-marriage” “patriot” “stand with” “lefties” “crazies” “commies” “socialist” “smaller government” “handout” “entitlement” “god” “christian” “christ” “lord” or “tax” (with or without “spend”) you’ll be able to guess what they like, what they watch, what they hate, and where they probably live without looking at their facebook page.

Go ahead – try it. It’s fun.

The Gov’nor and the Billionaire*

“The time has come,” Gov. Walker said,
“To talk of many things,
Of jobs and thugs and surpluses,
And if I should be king.
And why divide and conquer is
A meaningless nothing.”

“But wait a bit” the Wingnuts cried,
“Before we have our chat;
We need to watch Fox News again,
To learn the world is flat!”
“No hurry!” said the Governor.
They thanked him much for that.

The Right to Work” Ms. Hendricks said,
“Is what we chiefly need:
No rules and low wages besides
Are very good indeed —
Now if you’re ready, Wingnuts dear,
We can begin to feed.”

“But not on us!” the Wingnuts cried,
“We are Republicans!
After such support, that would be
A dismal change of plans!”
“The night is fine.” Gov. Walker said,
“Tis time to admire my fans.”

“It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!”
The billionaire said nothing but
“More profits will suffice:
No labor laws, no worker rules!
Don’t make me tell you twice!”

“It seems a shame,” Gov. Walker said,
“To play them such a trick,
We told them many pretty lies,
And laid it on so thick.”
The billionaire said nothing but
“Give me those tax cuts, quick!”

“I weep for you,” Gov. Walker said;
“I deeply sympathize.”
With sobs and tears he sorted out
His gifts of largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

“O Wingnuts,” said the Billionaire,
“You’ve had a pleasant run!
Shall we roll back more rights?”
But answer came there none –
And this was scarcely odd because
They’d eaten every one.

*Special thanks and acknowledgement to Lewis Carroll

Dear Teachers: “Thank You For Saving My Sorry Ass.”

Governor Scott Walker, frantically trying to convince voters he should stay governor, is running around like a weasel with its head cut off, saying over and over again that he, personally, saved the taxpayers “ONE BILLION DOLLARS.”

Wow. That’s a lot of money. I kinda wonder how he did it. I mean, seriously, that is a WHOLE lot of money.

(Of course, his numbers can’t be verified and are based on incorrect assumptions but that’s a different post.)

So, Scotty, how did you do it?

The right tools.”

What tools were those?

I eliminated the right of teachers and other public workers to negotiate their wages, benefits and working conditions. Except for police and firefighters. The police scare me: they have guns. And firefighters have cool uniforms and those big trucks. I’m hoping they might let me drive one.”

But you told the U.S. Congress that eliminating collective bargaining had no fiscal impact on the state budget.

Yup.”

That means it didn’t save the taxpayers a penny.

Yup.”

And you gave $2.3 billion in tax breaks to the rich and corporations.

I had to – they were some of my biggest campaign contributors.”

And gave millions to private schools through vouchers.

I had to – the voucher people were some of my biggest campaign contributors.”

Then you slashed aid to local governments and cut $1.6 billion from public education.

We couldn’t afford to reward my campaign donors and  fund education. So ya, you betcha.”

So what you’re really saying is that you decimated public education in Wisconsin to afford giveaways to special interests.

I prefer to call it ‘reforms’.”

So you left schools with a huge budget hole.

You know, I was an Eagle Scout.”

You didn’t answer the question.

I think that depends on how you define ‘huge‘.”

And the only way to save our schools was to cut teacher pay and/or benefits.

The reforms gave local governments and school districts the tools they so badly needed to balance their own budgets without raising taxes.”

Wait a minute. “They so badly needed” “the tools” because you took away a whole lot of their funding, right?

And left them no other way to make up the shortfalls, right?

And this had nothing to do with the state budget, right? Because teachers aren’t state employees, right?

We have put the power back in the hands of the taxpayers.”

Isn’t it true that teachers are taxpayers?

And isn’t it true that teachers taking pay cuts is what saved a “billion dollars”?

And isn’t it true that teachers taking pay cuts is what saved education in Wisconsin after your historic budget cuts?

So isn’t it true that you should be thanking teachers?

Because isn’t it true that the real heroes in this situation are the teachers?

Idiocracy in action or “Yes, they really are that stupid.”

Back in the olden days, it was difficult to let people know you were a bonehead. If you weren’t the official village idiot, how would they know? Unless they were personally acquainted with you,  so had firsthand knowledge of your abilities or lack thereof, or you did something so spectacularly stupid that it made national news, you could quietly go through life without most people learning that you were a world class twit.

Thankfully, technology has changed all that, allowing people everywhere the opportunity to see for themselves that you are, in fact, a clueless wonder who decided in kindergarten that knowledge was a waste of your time.

The most excellent examples appear online.

For example – facebook.

There are dimwits who post pictures of themselves at the beach after they called in sick. Dolts who post their status as “single” which comes as a surprise to their wives. Dunderheads who brag about the crime they just committed.

And the dummies who entertain the rest of us with their lack of weapons when attempting to engage in a battle of wits.

For example – the comments below, exactly as they appeared on the official “Governor Scott Walker” facebook page, a sampling of typical posts by ordinary, average, run of the mill Walker supporters. Which for some reason did not surprise me.

“So the Dems gravy train has ended and there voters baught with perks upset. Meanwhile in the real world my childs school has hired more teachers, reduced class size, and has more money for learning materials. My property taxes have gone down and theres more money in my pocket. Awsome Job Walker you’ve got my vote. And Gab why don’t you hold yourselves accountable for the tax dollers you are waisting through the shear fact of your existance.”

Oh my. Mrs. Higgins doesn’t teach English or logic but she’s got her red pen and is coming closer. Just a minute … okay – she left the room – I promised her I’ll give this one to her later. First I’ll take a shot at it.

“So the Dems gravy train has ended [What in the world is this person talking about? What gravy train? And if there is one, is it brown gravy or that icky looking white stuff out of a can?] and there [Can’t these people spell? For crying out loud, it’s “their.”] voters baught [okay – so they can’t spell] with perks upset. [This is so illogical I’m thinking we’re being punked.]  Meanwhile in the real world my childs [It’s “child’s” you moron.] school has hired more teachers, reduced class size, and has more money for learning materials. [Wow – he must live in some other state.] My property taxes have gone down and theres [“there’s” – have these people never learned about apostrophes?] more money in my pocket. [guess he didn’t hear about the tax increases]  Awsome [Seriously??] Job [job] Walker you’ve got my vote. And Gab [Gab who??? Gabby? Gabbie? Gabriel? Gabriella?] why don’t you hold yourselves accountable for the tax dollers [Argh! “dollars” you muttonhead – and why should Gabbie be accountable?] you are waisting [Okay – this guy can’t be for real.] through the shear [Really – he must work for “The Onion.”] fact of your existance [definitely].”

The next guy struck the trifecta of facebook fatuousness.

“So let’s get this straight libs fight voter id because minorities and whatnot can’t afford or drive to dmv to get free id. But now there arguing its a good thing to pay extra to bus kids or drive them to school. Anybody else see all the hypocrisy on the lib side?”

“I live in a liberal town the teachers bitch about walker. But yet busing is free no teachers have been laid off have assistants in every class. They also got 20 I pads for k-2. But I have also found out the bad teachers are horrible they have sent pre k and kindergarten outside with no supervision there’s alot of bullying. Principle said teachers are suppose to be out there but it was cold blah blah. We can barely afford but my daughter starts private school next yr all parents love it teachers are very happy and spend lots of time with kids and only 1k per yr. Screw union teacher greed I want my kid to learn.”

“climate change should not be taught in school more scientists against it than for it. I’ve read many reports from scientists the earth has heating cooling trends we have been in warming trend since iceage hence we aren’t surrounded by ice.”

You know what scares me the most about this guy? He reproduced.

And the next one gets his science information off a matchbook.

Let me ask you a question.How far back does our weather data go??? 150 years. So everyone can base climate change on that little amount of info. When you get thousands of years of data then you can talk. Until then it’s just hear say. The global warming bullcrap was proven wrong because some people put out false data and were caught. This was so they could try for a worldwide carbon tax. Who would get all of this money??? The same people who lied in the first place. That’s why these scientists lie to get money,grants. the sky is falling the sky is falling. But did it. Remember the hole in the ozone. they blamed it on freon. Yes all the freon in the world went south and made a hole. so they banned it. But before they could stop everyone from using it around the world the hole was gone. How did that happen??? They were still using the very product that they said caused the problem. It was a lie!!! It’s funny but the very same company that had made the first product also made it’s replacement and in record time and made billions because of it. Stop believeing in what your told and look it up and do some real reseach. The media tells you only what they want you to know. Real knowledge is power. Your tax dollars paid for a lie and the false research etc…. Keeping you baffled with B.S. just keeps the money flowing.”

He’s baffled all right. As is this guy:

“if you are in debt can not grow. History be minus in Checkbook and get hit 1,000 day. People need to grow up like him.”

But I’ve saved the best for last. Because no matter what else – at least the village idiots keep us entertained.

Their are plenty of job openings. Unfortunately because of some immature folks, they want the six figure salaries and everything handed to them. You can’t spell perserveirence without serve!!