Category Archives: Koch Brothers

Stupid is as Stupid Does

Dear FreedomWorks,

I don’t know how you got my email address or whether I just pissed off someone with a really nasty temper who then fraudulently subscribed me on some far-right-wing-nut web page so that I would forever have my in-box filled with solicitations for donations from “true patriots” who want to help “take back our country” and give “grassroots freedom-fighters the tools they need to fight Big Government and protect America’s liberty.”

I do have to ask – by “grass-roots” do you mean the billionaire Koch-financed effort to convert the government into a subsidiary of Koch Industries?

Just wondered.

And did you know that when you say “FreedomWorks” aloud it sounds like “Fweedumwoks” ? Go ahead, try it. It really does. (Which, of course, means Elmer Fudd is actually a furry “true patriot” living on Endor. Think about that.)

Anyway, you emailed me a survey. It didn’t ask any sensible questions so I didn’t respond which is why you decided to send it to me again because you desperately need to know what the most important issues are to me!

Far be it from me to disappoint you.

You asked me to “rank these issues in order of importance (1-5).” Those issues were as follows:

  • Stop libtard bureaucrats from ruining our schools and dumbing down America’s kids with things like science and reasoning skills.
  • No gun control because the civil liberties protected in our Bill of Rights must be protected at all costs. If it’s the 2nd Amendment. The rest can be compromised to protect us from Kenyan Muslim Usurpers.
  • Stop government spending we don’t need it look at Somalia no government so no government spending and they’re doing okay all they need are enough guns and thanks to the 2nd Amendment we got those.
  • Defund ObamaCare: Congress must ensure not one more penny goes to funding that fearsome Godzilla of socialized medicine by spending millions of tax dollars on ineffective votes to repeal the Affordable Care Act.
  • Defending the House: We the Tin-Foil Hat People must defend the House and prevent another round of Speaker Nancy Pelosi because she’s like a damn comet that keeps circling back and we much prefer Ted Nugent even if he runs in circles like a rabid three-legged dog biting his own tail.

I’m not being critical but for some reason these “issues” somehow – how do I say this with delicacy, hmmmm – seem completely insane and don’t reflect any issue of any importance to any rational human being.


Because you desperately need to know what the most important issues are to me, here they are:

1. Climate change. Won’t we all share a hearty laugh when it turns out to be real and we no longer have a place to live?

2. Money in politics. Seriously – fix that and we can fix #1.

3. Emails from billionaire-funded lunatic fringe groups like FreedomWorks. On second thought, #2 will take care of that.

4. Billionaire-funded lunatic fringe groups like FreedomWorks. Oh, wait. Never mind.

5. Billionaires David and Charles Koch. Oh, wait.

6. Wall Street. Corporate Welfare. Income inequality.



#2 should be #1, shouldn’t it?

I’m sure you and your billionaire backers agree, right?

Madison WI: Somewhere Deep Under the Capitol

Top Secret Strategy Meeting at Scott Walker HQ:

White Guy #1: Listen guys, I’ve called this meeting today because we have a crisis.

White Guy #2: So what else is new?

White Guy #1: Not funny, #2. Listen, last time we convinced the fools – with the help of Koch money – that “it’s working.” Wisconsin was “open for business” and we were “moving in the right direction.” Those “unions” were to blame for a massive deficit – that didn’t really exist – with their outrageous salaries and benefits. And then we told them how we saved “a billion dollars” by ending collective bargaining. But that crap only goes so far. Now we have another budget that screws the little guy while rewarding the wealthy. We have to sell them on it. But how?

White Guy #3: I think we’re in deep do-do here. I, mean, how stupid can they be?

White Guy #2: I think you’re overestimating their intelligence.

White Guy #1: No way – we were pushing the envelope last time.

White Guy #2: Wrong. Do you seriously think anyone who had even an ounce of intelligence would believe a word of what we say at this point? I mean, we kept telling people Walker was focused “like a laser” on jobs as we pushed through an extremist agenda that didn’t have anything to do with the subject! It was masterful! $2.3 billion in tax breaks to special interests. Repeal the equal pay law, repeal consumer protections, repeal tenant rights, roll back reproductive rights, roll back environmental protections, push through tort “reform” that protected businesses and victimized patients! At the same time, we plunged toward the bottom in job creation and economic outlook! Conservatives around the country were in awe! I mean – Scotty told one whopper after another and anytime he got fact-checked, all we had to do was blame it on the liberal media. Look at his record on politifact! I tell you these sheeple are so dumb we could blame poor people for global warming and the masses will not only believe it – they’ll be buying pitchforks and torches.

White Guy #3: No way. Scotty is restricting unemployment benefits, food stamps, health insurance for the needy – that has no fiscal impact on the budget.

White Guy #2: Way.

White Guy #1. Wait a minute … I think #3 might be on to something. Let’s see. The budget is designed to … hmmm —

White Guy #2: Entitlements!

White Guy #1: What?

White Guy #2: Call them entitlements.

White Guy #3: But that’s not accurate!

White Guy #2: Who cares about being accurate?

White Guy #1: Yes, yes, I’m beginning to understand – entitlements and … dependency!

White Guy #2: Now you got it! And use the word “reforms” – sheeple just eat that up.

White Guy #1: Balancing our budget through entitlement reforms! We’re not depriving the needy to give more to the greedy – we’re giving the poor a hand up, not a hand out! Moving them from dependency to independence.

White Guy #3: What? Are you guys nuts? This has nothing to do with the budget! And doesn’t save taxpayers any money! The real problem is Scotty’s corporate welfare! He’s throwing money at special interests and slashing funding for everything else!

White Guy #2 (to Guy #3): Do you like working here?

White Guy #1: It’s brilliant! Blame those non-existent slackers sucking up our tax dollars! We can use random meaningless words like “Freedom”, “Prosperity” and “Independence.” Or better yet: “More Prosperity,” “Better Performance,” and “True Independence.” And PowerPoint! We can dazzle the masses with PowerPoint! You know – lots of charts and bullet points, but no real information, the mindless masses just LOVE that crap. And we can pay for all of the propaganda with tax dollars!

White Guy #2: I beat you to it. Already have it prepared for release. We’ll start with USA Today. I call it “Government dependence not American Dream.”

How many of us grew up with the dream of someday being dependent on the government?

I certainly did not. The idea just seems foreign to the American Dream.

Sadly, there are some in our nation’s capital who measure success in government by how many are dependent on the government. The massive expansion of Medicaid, waivers of work programs for food stamps and the extension of unemployment benefits may all be well-intentioned, but is more government dependence really such a good thing?”

Guy #3: Wait a minute, none of that is true!

Guy #1: Shut up. Go on, #2.

There is dignity in working hard to provide for a future of your own choosing. In turn, it leads to more freedom and more prosperity for all.

Last Wednesday, I introduced a state budget focused on helping people transition from government dependency to true independence.

Our plans forgo the temptation of the temporary financial incentives from Washington to expand Medicaid. Instead, we crafted a plan reducing the number of uninsured in our state by 224,580.

For the rest, we transition them into the private and exchange markets, where the lowest premium starts at $19 per month.”

White Guy #3: That’s not true either!

White Guy #1: I’m not saying this again, #3. Shut up.

White Guy #2 (continuing): “Our budget plans provide employment training for able-bodied childless adults receiving food stamps.

Going forward, more than 75,000 people in our state will be enrolled in job training in order to obtain food stamps.

In addition, we are looking to double the weekly requirement for jobs searches for those on unemployment from two times a week to four or more.”

White Guy #3: But how are people working full-time going to be able to take job training? And how will people in job training be able to look for work at least four times a week? This makes no sense!

White Guy #2 (ignoring the interruption): “It is important to give temporary hand up to those in need, but for those who are able, we should not provide a permanent hand out. Our goal is simple: transition people from government dependence to true independence.

It’s why we celebrate the 4th of July and not April 15th. In our country, we celebrate true independence because more freedom and more prosperity are what drive the American Dream.”

White Guy #3: But it’s all just a load of bull!

White Guy #2: So what’s your point?

Survivor: Northwoods

At a meeting of the invitation-only Libertarian Billionaires Club in an exclusive Palm Springs resort, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker (R) today announced his plan to transform his state’s education system with an innovative initiative, which he claims will give parents and students legitimate alternatives to under-performing, under-funded schools.

In a move Republicans heralded as “bold” and “visionary,” Walker will “level the playing field” when it comes to school funding: Wisconsin students will now battle to the death for state aid.

“When I watched The Hunger Games last week with Tonette and the boys (love that new HD big screen – thanks Diane), I realized how much fun it was to see kids so focused on healthy competition, and how it fit perfectly with my proclamation of 2013 as the Year of Well-Being.

In fact, at first I thought it was a new reality show but then Tonette slapped me on my bald spot and said no you idjit it’s a movie, and, as I rubbed my head, I realized this was really an exciting opportunity for more of my common sense reforms.

So I called a meeting of my Education Policy Advisors at the mansion and, after some hot ham and rolls, we watched the movie together so he would understand my vision. The resulting budget outlines the key provisions which allow students, parents, and schools greater funding parity among all education sectors.

Every child, regardless of their zip code, deserves access to a great education. While it is our goal to help struggling schools succeed, we need to make sure students and parents can choose the best option and make sure each child receives the opportunity for a truly great education even if they come from a poor school district.

To help them help themselves, effective with the new budget:

On an annual basis, each school district will select, by lottery, 2 students (from grades K-12) as tributes who will travel to the MacKenzie Center, which is being reformed into a hunting, fishing, and trapping training facility.

After two weeks of training with a private-sector mentor, they will be released into a fenced private hunting preserve where they will begin their struggle for survival. The entire event will be available for a fee on pay-per-view, with rights sold at my complete discretion for any price – or none, as I see fit.

Viewers will have unique opportunities to participate by donating on-line to my campaign. Sponsors (who did not sign a recall petition) can, for an additional fee, send gifts such as food, medicine, and tools to the young Republican players of my choice. Other donors can choose options designed to enhance the competition, such as ‘release the hounds.’

The sole survivor earns full funding for his or her district for the coming school year.

Because we believe in a hand up, not a hand-out, the hard work of the fallen will not be ignored, preserving an essential safety net for our neediest, while protecting our state’s taxpayers from uncertainty. Their home districts will receive the amount of state aid allocated to the district of each of their victims. So the more you kill, the more you earn. If, on the other hand, you’re a lazy sloucher, our plan will help break cycles of generational dependence and motivate you to work harder to stay alive.

I know those liberal lefties in Dane County will scoff and claim this is unfair, that students from the rich, Republican districts will have an undue advantage, but I say look at the real-life example set by Katniss Everdeen, a poor, white girl from a rural district who won the contest with hard work and the right attitude. With the right attitude, your child can too.”

I’m shocked! shocked!

that votes are being suppressed!

Mrs. Higgins is not having a good day. In fact, she’s having a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

It’s because of voting. Or rather, the inalienable right to vote. Which every U.S. citizen age 18 or older is supposed to have – with a few limitations. Such as being on death row. But other than that it should be pretty easy to cast a ballot. At least according to the constitution.

Which is the problem.

Some people think it’s too easy to exercise that fundamental right. Some people think it’s not enough to have to prove who you are and where you live when you register to vote (which is a mandatory prerequisite to being allowed to vote).

Instead, some people think casting a ballot should be harder to do than gaining entry to Fort Knox.  Which, on second thought, might be too easy. So let’s make it more like getting admitted to the Curtis Institute of Music which, with the lowest college acceptance rate in the country, would mean that, for the most part, anyone who is not a privileged white person would have a better chance of getting into Fort Knox, being struck by lightening, or winning the lottery than getting to vote.

This is the point where Mrs. Higgins turns a striking shade of purple. Eggplant. Definitely the color of an eggplant. Because, as she has been teaching people for more years than she cares to admit, an inalienable right is something that people aren’t supposed to be able to alienate.

But Republicans are doing it anyway, requiring government-issued photo ID to be able to vote. And limiting early voting. And limiting voting by absentee ballot. And limiting who can register voters. All of which tends to make it harder to vote.

And even then it might still be too easy, so Republicans hire other Republicans to take all possible measures to protect Republicans. The only teensy-weensy problem with that being it’s against the law.

Which is why Republicans are now outraged by the attack on the voting rights of service members abroad. Who may be having trouble getting absentee ballots because of the new voter laws pushed through by the Republicans.

So they are doing what anyone in their situation would do: blame the Democrats.  Because obviously the Commander-in-Chief is responsible because he’s conspiring with all the states to suppress military votes. Even if he’s not.

Because just as obviously, right-wing foundations which send out misleading information can be trusted to always tell the truth when their project staff by wild coincidence are members of completely non-partisan Koch-backed organizations like the Heritage Foundation who conveniently report the outrageous scandal that absentee-ballot requests by military personnel are down, even though the military reports the opposite.

But what does the military know – these are the people who couldn’t even find Bin Laden by themselves. They needed Mitt to do it for them.

And of course none of the current Republican outrage has anything to do with being a defensive response to the growing investigation into actual voter fraud by Republicans.

Of course not.

And now, it’s time for another installment of “Miss Manners”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: You are a shining beacon of hope in dark times where courtesy and consideration are in short supply. Take last week. There I was, minding my own business, just trying to run a country, when suddenly I’m being verbally abused and berated for things I never said or did. What’s a guy to do when rich people, stupid people, and Fox News spend all their time just making stuff up?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners agrees with you that these are dark times indeed, but even so would hesitate to describe others as stupid, even when they are ignorant, misogynistic, pebble-brained, Ayn Rand loving morons perhaps lucky enough to be born the son of a governor. Such talk abandons manners in favor of flagrant self indulgence. She does, however, wonder what would happen if their campaign plane was “accidentally” re-routed to Somalia.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don’t understand it. I’m a regular guy. Everyone on my staff tells me so. But for some reason people just can’t take a joke. Dogs on cars? That’s funny. Pretending to be a cop? Hilarious. Bullying a classmate? Hysterical.

I say things and people take them all wrong. I mean, who doesn’t like being able to fire people? But I say it and get painted as someone who sends jobs to China!  It’s not fair. How can I get these people to stop misunderstanding me?

GENTLE READER: I sympathize. Nothing is worse than people with no sense of humor. The best way to be rude and completely self-absorbed without being criticized for it is to claim “I was just joking” thereby making the other person look bad for being so uptight and overly sensitive that they don’t get that you were just being funny. Try saying it after “I’m not familiar precisely with what I said, but I’ll stand by what I said, whatever it was” or “I’m not concerned about the very poor.”

Whenever anyone accuses you of being insensitive the only necessary response is to ask “What’s the matter, don’t you have a sense of humor?” You should also consider improving your image through travel, perhaps to someplace like Somalia.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I donate millions to worthy causes but people still think I’m a selfish, greedy bastard out to control the universe. They’re right, of course, but achieving my goals means I have to eat dinner with morons like Ron Johnson. Why don’t these oblivious peons understand the price I have to pay?

GENTLE READER: World domination sometimes requires no small sacrifice. Such a plan relies on manipulating the ignorant and uninformed. Those who are neither might object but ultimately you have the upper hand and when you prevail  will be able to destroy them, a process which should be handled with the discretion and dignity appropriate to your status. You also might consider relocating to a place with more like-minded persons. A place with no government, no taxes, and no regulations. A place like Somalia.

How to Be an Insufferable Bore

Be born George Will.

Yes, I know I’ve written too damn much about politics lately, but only because that’s all that’s on the damn television, damn radio, and in the damn newspapers because Walker and the Kochs have purchased all the television stations, radio stations, and newspapers north of Illinois so we can’t even talk about the weather because the forecast every day for the past three months has been, “and we’re predicting a continued period of sunshine for billionaires with another 30 months of Scott Walker.”

And it’s not just here: popinjays are using national platforms to publish puff pieces praising Walker that endlessly repeat the same poppycock.

Like George Will.

Enough, I say sir. Enough.

Dear George,

Perhaps the rarefied atmosphere at your altitude is the reason for the fractured fairy tale you authored that appeared in print and online beginning June 1, 2012, parroting Scott Walker’s propaganda about public workers. Back here on earth we call it balderdash.

First: lack of fact checking. Nobody here in Wisconsin has ever heard of anything called a “5 and 12” plan.  And the other stuff you spit out, seemingly at random?  Many public workers already contributed significant percentages toward their health plans and pension fund out of their regular paychecks – and all of them also paid with pre-tax dollars in the form of deferred compensation.

Second: try the truth, it shall set you free.

You said “For 16 months, Wisconsin … has been riven by furious attempts to punish Walker for keeping his campaign promise to change the state’s unsustainable fiscal trajectory driven by the perquisites of government employees.”

Where does one begin? No one is furiously attempting to “punish Walker” – although he never campaigned on ending collective bargaining for public workers (he also admitted eliminating it had no fiscal impact on the state budget). Nor were we on an “unsustainable fiscal trajectory” nor was that nonexistent trajectory “driven by the perquisites of government employees.”

Scotty didn’t inherit a “$3.6 billion deficit” from the prior administration. What we had was a structural deficit (difference between expected revenue and expected budget requests from public agencies) for the next budget period. We always have a structural deficit because public agencies always ask for more than they think they will get.

We also have a state constitution that requires a balanced budget. So we also always have a balanced budget (at least on paper). As in prior years, the challenge was to reconcile the difference between estimated revenues and estimated budget requests.

Estimated revenues were down because of the recent global economic meltdown. So what does Scotty do? He immediately gives massive tax breaks to his cronies ($2.3 billion worth over 10 years).

And please stop telling tales like this one: “what really motivates the unions and elected Democrats is that Walker ended the automatic deduction of union dues from government employees’ pay.” A federal judge has already ruled that the ban on automatic dues deduction is unconstitutional.

(Seriously – you need some help with the problem you have using excessive amounts of overwrought and unfounded rhetoric. Maybe a 12 step program?)

What you coastal talking heads keep ignoring are the facts.

Walker is being recalled (by hundreds of thousands of residents who are neither union members nor public workers) because he: gave tax breaks of more than $2.3 billion to special interests while slashing funding to local governments and for public education, is kicking thousands of children off Badger Care, converted 37 high-level, high-paying merit selection state jobs into personal appointees, made himself the final authority over all rules made by any state agency, pushed through a far-right conservative agenda benefiting a select few (who happened to be his campaign donors), converted the state into a “pay to play” system of cronyism, rolled back worker’s rights, women’s rights (including the Equal Pay Enforcement Act), consumer rights, tenant rights, voting rights, homosexual rights, comprehensive sex education, wetland and environmental protections, and killed off what had been a growing wind energy industry.  And that was just the beginning. He also lied about not raising taxes (increasing taxes on the poor by $49 million), lied about balancing the budget, and is actually running a $143 million deficit.

But that’s not all. He ended up with the worst job record in the country in 2011, raided the mortgage bank settlement designed to help homeowners by diverting more than $25 million toward his budget deficit, and is at the center of a John Doe criminal investigation into illegal campaign activities which has already resulted in criminal charges against multiple former aides (including theft and child enticement) and immunity to several others.

Walker is a man who seriously considered planting instigators in peaceful crowds, laughed about beating people with a bat with his name on it – and sold his soul to the Koch brothers. As the real David Koch said, “We’re helping him, as we should. We’ve gotten pretty good at this over the years. We’ve spent a lot of money in Wisconsin. We’re going to spend more.”

Please stick to writing about baseball – you’re much better at that – and people expect tall tales.

Earth: Final Conflict


In case you hadn’t already guessed, I’m on the planet Earth. In Wisconsin. USA.

Here in the Dairy State, we’ve been a little busy since Scott Walker was elected governor by the Koch brothers, running on bland promises to create jobs and balance the budget without raising taxes while the Kochs spent millions in negative ads attacking Walker’s opponent, Tom Barrett, as a kitten-killing, tax-and-spend, possibly Muslim, anti-American elitist who would cause a tsunami of economic disaster to sweep across the state leaving only devastation and dead cows in its wake.

So Scotty got elected because nobody wants a tsunami. We all saw what one of those can do in 2012, Deep Impact, The Day After Tomorrow, and The Poseidon Adventure and I think I speak for all of us when I say that the prospect of being stranded in an upside down boat while a comet destroys the planet is not where any of us wanted to be.

But then Scotty got elected, dropped “the bomb“, and we realized the tsunami had struck anyway.

He gave tax breaks of more than $2.3 billion to special interests while slashing funding to local governments and for public education, tried to kick thousands of children off Badger Care, converted 37 high-level, high-paying merit selection state jobs into personal appointees, made himself the final authority over all rules made by any state agency, pushed through a far-right conservative agenda benefiting a select few (who happened to be his campaign donors), converted the state into a “pay to play” system of cronyism, rolled back worker’s rights, women’s rights (including the Equal Pay Enforcement Act), consumer rights, tenant rights, voting rights, homosexual rights, comprehensive sex education, wetland and environmental protections, and killed off what had been a growing wind energy industry.  And that was just the beginning. He also lied about not raising taxes (increasing taxes on the poor by $49 million), lied about balancing the budget, and is actually running a $143 million deficit.

But that’s not all. He ended up with the worst job record in the country in 2011, raided the mortgage bank settlement designed to help homeowners by diverting more than $25 million toward his budget deficit, and is at the center of a John Doe criminal investigation into illegal campaign activities which has already resulted in criminal charges against multiple former aides and immunity to several others.

But it’s not his fault.

It’s the fault of the Big Government Union Bosses.

How do I know? Because he keeps saying so. Not just once, but twelve times in one fund raising letter, and fourteen times in another. And on his campaign website. And on his official Wisconsin Governor website. The “Big Government Union Bosses,” “Big Government Unions,”and “Public Employee Union Bosses” are “really in charge” of the recall. I’m even getting phone calls from people hired by PACs that definitely do not coordinate with him telling me that “Big Unions” are railroading Scotty.

This is no ordinary conflict. This is Union Armageddon.

And it’s not just any scary big union bosses that are to blame. It’s big union bosses from the scariest group of all: teachers.

How do I know? Because Scotty keeps telling me so. He mentioned them more than ten times in just five days on his official facebook page and just about once or twice on all other days. But he didn’t mention firefighters or police officers or emergency personnel or public workers or snowplow drivers or sanitation workers. Only teachers.

That’s right, teachers are railroading Scotty. Teachers are to blame for all his problems. Teachers are to blame for all our problems. Teachers are to blame for the global economic meltdown, the Lindberg kidnapping, the extinction of the passenger pigeon,  soured milk, and spilled beer.

(Mrs. Higgins just made a gagging sound. I hope she’s all right.)

He told the NRA that he’s their target, because he is the only thing in “their way of getting their hands on money and power.” And we all know that people become teachers because of their insane lust for money and power.

Only Scotty can protect us. He’s not facing a recall because he cut taxes on the richest, raised taxes on the poorest, rolled back rights for most of us and generally did everything possible to help his campaign donors by adopting an agenda that hurts the rest of us. And he’s not being recalled because he’s an amoral liar who out-Nixons Nixon.

Nope. He’s being recalled because he wants to keep the power in the “hands of hard-working taxpayers instead of [a] handful of big govt union bosses” like Mrs. Higgins (who pays taxes but her taxes don’t count because she is a teacher and big govt union boss).

Even as I speak, gangs of Big Government Union Boss teachers armed with grade books and Number 2 pencils are gathering, seeking to recall Scotty and install their personal puppet, Lamb Chop, as governor.

So it’s all about focusing like a laser on keeping teachers the evil scum scapegoats he wants us all to believe they are. Even though they don’t work for the state. So can’t be blamed for the state’s economic woes. Or the deficit.

And to help Walker help us, billionaire David Koch is hard at work. “We’re helping him, as we should. We’ve gotten pretty good at this over the years,” he says. “We’ve spent a lot of money in Wisconsin. We’re going to spend more.”

Six Degrees of David and Charles Koch

Sometimes I act. Several years ago I acted in a two-woman play with a talented young actor who, unlike me, was young enough and pretty enough and thin enough to go pro. A few days ago I saw her in a television commercial.

More recently, I was in a show that needed some additional male actors. I put out the word and a friend responded. He and a male friend of his joined the cast. A day after seeing the television commercial I learned that a female cast member from that later show and the friend’s friend who joined it have since dumped their spouses and moved in together. His divorce attorney is the husband of the young actress in the commercial. It turns out we also both had parts in different films that were screened at the Wisconsin Film Festival this year.

Some might attribute such odd happenstances to the quirks of fate. I tend to think everything is connected. Like the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, nothing is truly chance.

We laugh at people who believe in conspiracy theories. We scoff at the idea, convinced it is no more real than the boogeyman. But who can prove the boogeyman isn’t real?

Look carefully in that closet, because the vast right-wing conspiracy may soon be coming to a neighborhood near you. Or more than likely it is already there. And closing the closet door will not help you. Information and knowledge might.

Without them, the entwined and interwoven forces behind far-right organizations remain invisible, snaring ordinary, everyday people who support and donate to them, unaware that they are being manipulated. And the trail always leads back to the Kochs and their cronies. The Koch brothers being the uber-secretive, uber-conservative uber-billionaires who are uber-intent on reshaping government on the local, state, and national levels to allow them to make greater profits.

Don’t believe it? Pick a group, any conservative group, and look who’s behind it. I’ll give you some examples to get you started.

The Wisconsin 9-12 Project  claims to be a non-partisan conservative grassroots movement and has not just one, but two Facebook pages.

1. Kirsten Lombard is currently running the “Wisconsin 9-12 Project.” Kirsten is half of a political consulting firm that promotes conservative Republican candidates by manipulating people at the local level, in part through control of social media.

2. “Wisconsin 9-12 Project” coordinates with the Republican Party and American Majority.

3. a.  The  Kochs funnel money to the Republicans, including $1.1 million given to the Republican Governors Association, which spent more than $3.4 million in support of Wisconsin Republican Governor Scott Walker.

3. b. American Majority  is a right-wing group that trains Tea Party members. Co-founder Drew Ryun was a deputy director at the Republican National Committee. His brother and co-founder, Ned Ryun, was a writer in the George W. Bush White House.

4. American Majority is funded in large part by the Sam Adams Alliance.

5. Eric O’Keefe, the chairman and CEO of the Sam Adams Alliance, and who helps lead American Majority, has been a Koch aide and attends and also helps lead Koch strategy meetings. He sits on the Board of the Wisconsin Club for Growth, a branch of the Koch connected Club for Growth.

The Rock River Patriots claims to be a non-partisan grassroots activist group.

1. Rock River Patriots self-identifies as a Tea Party Patriot Group.

2. Tea Party Patriots is a conservative group organized by FreedomWorks; the principal organizers of Tea Party events are Americans for Prosperity and Freedom Works

3. a. Americans for Prosperity was founded in part by David Koch (the chairman of the board of the Americans for Prosperity Foundation) and his company funds Americans for Prosperity.

3. b. FreedomWorks was created from the merger of Citizens for a Sound Economy and Empower America. Citizens for a Sound Economy was co-founded by David Koch.

United Sportsmen of Wisconsin (USW) states that its mission is to protect the rights of and advocate on behalf of hunters, fi­shermen, trappers and gun owners in Wisconsin. Apparently that required it to send out misleading (possibly illegal) absentee ballot applications to Democrat leaning voters in the summer 2011 elections of  recalled Republican senators. The applications were designed to result in a invalid vote.

1. The USW website subscription page linked to

2. J Connors & Company, founded by John Connors, is a Milwaukee political consulting firm supporting conservative Republican candidates.

3. John Connors has been a local Wisconsin leader of Americans for Prosperity. In 2008, Connors was listed as AFP’s “Students for Prosperity Director.” He has also been tweeting AFP events in recent months.

4. Americans for Prosperity was founded in part by David Koch (the chairman of the board of the Americans for Prosperity Foundation) and his company funds Americans for Prosperity.

Connections. Chance? Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Go ahead – you try it. Are you getting scared yet?

The Koch Brothers’ Bible Thumpin’ Rootin’ Tootin’ Revival Meetin’ Machine

Ladeeeez and Gentlemen, step right up, step right up. Listen and learn. I know you’ve been suffering. I feel your pain. You’ve felt lost and alone, not knowing which way to turn in these troubled times, times in which, through no fault of your own, you may be struggling to survive.

Well, I’m here to let you know that you’ve come to the right place. There are thousands, yea, millions of people just like you, all looking for answers to what troubles them. And this is your lucky day because we, the people at the Club for American Heritage Growth and Prosperity, hold in our hands the very answers which you seek including telling you who is to blame.

You’re frightened. And you should be. Not only our country, but our entire way of life is under attack, threatened by people who want to destroy us simply because we are the greatest nation that has ever existed. But we are only great – will only be great – when we remain true to the values of our Founding Fathers. And we know what those values are. Or were. Because those values are whatever we say they are. Why? Because we know that history, unlike the Ten Commandments, was not carved in stone. Which means that we can change history, literally remake it into whatever we wish it had been or anything else that suits us.

And right now what suits us is to say that the Founding Fathers believed in small government and personal liberty. Except for reproductive liberty. Then we need less liberty and more government intrusion. But other than that we need to eliminate government regulations and burdensome taxes on the rich, for the rich are the Job Creators. And the Founding Fathers knew that regulations and taxes kill jobs and keep the free market from working as it should to allow the Job Creators to earn greater profits  and keep the country prosperous and on the right track under God, so long as those tracks carry no high speed trains.

Because the Founding Fathers were all God-fearing white Christians who spoke English and expected all Americans to do likewise. So they built this nation as a God-fearing white Christian, English speaking country and they would have put that in the Constitution but they didn’t think they needed to. They never could have envisioned how far astray we have traveled from their ideals, where women demand equal pay and schools offer bilingual education and homosexuals think they should have the same rights as normal people.

But you are not one of the many who have abandoned personal responsibility in favor of entitlements. Because of us, you believe in the right to work and know that social security is a Ponzi scheme and your retirement funds should be handled by Wall Street investment firms. And that the best health care is the one the government doesn’t control.

Yes, you are among friends; you are among family. We welcome you with open arms and reassure you with soothing words, just like your mother did when you were a child frightened by the bogeyman hiding in your closet. The only difference is that this time the bogeyman is real.

My friend, he’s as real as you and me and he has a dark army of union thugs behind him which must be stopped at any cost. You know who he is. Yes, the head bogeyman is none other than that liberal socialist Democrat Muslim Kenyan extremist in the White House, Barack Hussein Obama. Why do we say that? Because we want to and it works. You believe it without question even though we just make this stuff up and you don’t really know what socialism is.

Well I’ll tell you what it is: it’s a bad thing. It means the government wants to take everything away from you including your guns and the right to choose your own doctor. You’ll have death panels deciding to set you adrift on an ice floe instead of our free market system which gives you the freedom to die when you can’t afford the life-saving medical treatment you need. A government that forces you to wear seat belts and deprives you of your God given right to pump your sewage into the water supply and drive off a cliff if you want to because it should be your decision in an unregulated free market society so help you God.

So we need to take back our country from the liberal socialist Democrats who want to tax and spend us into oblivion, the same socialists who believe people descended from chimpanzees and spread the myth that “climate change” and “global warming” are responsible for the increasingly deadly hurricanes and storms and tornadoes and floods and fires and droughts and heat, when we all know that no one has ever shown carbon dioxide is dangerous or else why would they put it into fire extinguishers? Because we know that God, who is on our side, is just sending a message that they are on the wrong path and need to turn back to the Lord and let us drill, baby, drill, because the righteous shall prevail but only with your generous support so send your donation to the Club for American Heritage Growth and Prosperity and we will spend it as we see fit and you’ll never know exactly how but you’ll sleep easier knowing that we have our best interests at heart.

When Governors Get Punked

Scott Walker took office on January 3, 2011. And immediately became unavailable to anyone who was not a campaign donor.

After learning that Walker would not talk to constituents, or any Democrats, or return their calls, blogger-journalist Ian Murphy began to wonder just who could get through to Gov. Walker.

So on February 23, 2011, he called Walker’s office pretending to be conservative libertarian billionaire David Koch (who had donated $43,000 directly to Walker’s campaign and millions more to other groups running negative ads attacking Walker’s opponent).

Walker took the call.

[Wait a minute! He got punked? A governor who refuses to meet or respond to constituents for months, refuses talk to members of the legislature about government business, will only make scripted, tightly controlled appearances but readily accepts a phone call without question from someone he thinks is an out-of-state billionaire? Who happens to give him large sums of money?]

The call was recorded. A transcript is below. Clarifications and comments are in brackets.

Walker: Hi, this is Scott Walker.

“Koch”: Scott! David Koch. How are you?

Walker: Hey, David! I’m good. And yourself?

[Doesn’t it seem like Scott has met this guy before? Because 1) he wasn’t surprised that Koch would call him and 2) he’s relaxed and calls him David. Not “Mr. Koch” – just David. If billionaires started calling me, I’d be saying: “No way! Who is this really?” And then: “Holy shit! It is? Wow, thanks for all the money and what can I do for you?]

“Koch”: I’m very well. A little disheartened by the situation there, but, uh, what’s the latest?

Walker: Uh, we’re actually hanging pretty tough. I mean, you know, amazingly there’s a much smaller group of protesters almost all of whom are in from other states today.

[He made that part up because 1)  the groups were growing in number;  2) they were always almost all state residents; and 3)  it sounded better than saying thousands of Wisconsinites are really pissed.]

The State Assembly is taking the bill up, getting it all the way to the last point it can be at where it’s unamendable. But they’re waiting to pass it until the Senate’s — the Senate Democrats, excuse me, the assembly Democrats have about a hundred amendments they’re going through.

[The Assembly Democrats are so annoying. They even got upset just because  the Assembly Republicans called the vote early on the budget repair bill to keep them from voting, whining that it was illegal. I mean really, why get upset? There’s nothing they could do to stop it so why even bother coming to work?]

The state Senate still has the 14 members missing [nervy little bastards] but what they’re doing today is bringing up all sorts of other non-fiscal items, many of which are things that members in the Democratic side care about. And each day we’re going to ratchet it up a little bit.

[Nice work by good Christians. What next, arrest and torture their families?]

The Senate majority leader had a great plan he told about this morning — he told the Senate Democrats about and he’s going to announce it later today — and that is: the Senate organization committee is going to meet and pass a rule that says if you don’t show up for two consecutive days on a session day in the state Senate, the Senate chief clerk — it’s a little procedural thing here, but — can actually have your payroll stopped from being automatically deducted —

“Koch”: Beautiful.

Walker: — into your checking account and instead, you still get a check, but the check has to be personally picked up and he’s instructing them — which we just loved — to lock them in their desks on the floor of the state Senate.

[Really? Grown men, elected officials who are vested with the public trust,  plotting and scheming in secret backroom deals? And enjoying it? I mean, really? While receiving tax dollars?]

“Koch”: Now you’re not talking to any of these Democrat bastards, are you?

Walker: Ah, I, there’s one guy that’s actually voted with me on a bunch of things I called on Saturday for about 45 minutes, mainly to tell him that while I appreciate his friendship and he’s worked with us on other things, to tell him I wasn’t going to budge.

[I’m confused. Wasn’t Walker at the same time publicly saying that he was trying to work things out but the Democrats weren’t willing to negotiate?]

“Koch”: God damn right!

“Koch”: Mainly because I thought he’s about the only reasonable one over there, I figured if I talked to him, he’d go back to the rest of the gang and say you know, I’ve known Walker for 20 years and he’s not budging.

[Now there’s real leadership for you. I wonder if he learned that in pre-school: the “you have to do what I say because I’m the boss of you” approach to government. And what is this “gang” thing?]

“Koch”: Now what’s his name again?

Walker: Uh, his name is Tim Cullen —

“Koch”: All right, I’ll have to give that man a call.

Walker: Well, actually, in his case I wouldn’t call him and I’ll tell you why. He’s pretty reasonable but he’s not one of us. [That sounds ominous.] So I would let him be. I think he is in a position where he can maybe motivate that caucus. But he’s not an ally, he’s just a guy. [And of course Walker isn’t because he’s the new Galactic Emperor.] He was in the Senate years ago, he was actually the Senate Democratic leader back in the ’80s and [then Governor] Tommy Thompson hired him to be the head of Health and Human Services. He went into the private sector, made real money and became a little more open-minded, and last fall he got elected to the Senate seat he was in 25 years ago. And he’s kind of one of these guys who he really doesn’t care, he’s not there for political reasons, he’s just trying to get something done. So he’s good to reach out to for me, but he’s not a conservative, he’s just a pragmatist.

[So someone who has no personal agenda, who’s not there for political reasons, who just wants to get things done is “not one of us”? Then who IS “one of you”?]

“Koch”: Now who can we get to budge on this collective bargaining?

Walker: Well, I think in the end, a couple of things. One, if the, I think the paycheck will have an impact. Secondly, one of the things we’re looking at next, we’ll probably announce in the next day or two — we’ve been working with our Republican leaders in the Legislature — we may, we’re still waiting on an opinion to see if the unions have been paying to put these guys up out of state. We think there’s at a minimum an ethics violation if not an outright felony.

[Wow. What is this unhealthy fixation on unions?]

“Koch”: Well, they’re probably putting hobos in suits.

Walker: Yeah.

“Koch”: That’s what we do. Sometimes.

Walker: I mean paying for the senators to be put up. I know they’re paying for these guys to be here — I mean, people can pay protesters to come in and that’s not an ethics code [nobody was being paid to protest but it sounded better than saying thousands of Wisconsinites are really pissed], but, I mean, literally if the unions are paying the 14 senators, if they’re paying for their food, their lodging, anything like that, we believe at a minimum it’s an ethics code violation and it may very well be a felony misconduct in office. Because see technically, it’s not just a political contribution, it is, if they’re being paid to keep them from doing their job, we think that there’s legally an obstruction of justice, but an obstruction of their ability to do their job, and we still got, the attorney general’s office is looking into it for us.

[That was a stretch. Wasn’t true. Didn’t work.]

So we’re trying about four or five different angles. Each day we crank up a little bit more pressure.

[Sneaky scheming again – is Walker a governor or a gangster? And why is it that he’s discussing government business with this guy?]

The other thing is I’ve got layoff notices ready, we put out the at-risk notices, we’ll announce Thursday, they’ll go out early next week and we’ll probably get five to six thousand state workers will get at-risk notices for layoffs. We might ratchet that up a little bit too.

[The hell with the state workers, what do I care?]

“Koch”: Beautiful, beautiful. Gotta crush that union.

Walker: Well it’s one of those that where in the end, and I’ve had not only Cullen — I’ve talked to him myself — I had three or four of my other business leader friends who know him over the years and just kind of pass the message on to these guys, if they think I’m caving, they’ve been asleep for the last eight years because I’ve taken on every major battle in Milwaukee County and won even in the county where I’m overwhelmingly overpowered politically and it’s because we don’t budge.

[Not exactly how it really happened – most people in Milwaukee County say that if Walker “won,”  everybody else in the county lost, but what the hell. Or am I catching a whiff of that new Walker after-shave: “Deluded”?]

“Koch”: God damn right.

Walker: You’re doing the right thing, you stay firm. And in this case, we say we’ll wait it out. If they want to start sacrificing thousands of public workers who get laid off, sooner or later there’s going to be pressure on these senators to come back.

[Excuse me? Isn’t Walker the one sacrificing the workers?]

“Koch”: Beautiful.

Walker: We’re not compromising.

[Maybe he thinks he’s John Boehner. Or Eric Cantor.]

The other thing we may do, ‘cause the senator I mentioned thinks that these guys, you’ve got a few of the radical ones who unfortunately one of them is the minority leader, but most the rest of them are just looking for a way to get out of this. And they’re scared out of their minds, they don’t know what it means. There’s a bunch of recalls up against them. They’d really like to just get up back here and get it over with.

[Is he just completely disconnected from reality or what?]

So the paycheck thing, some of the other things threatened them. I think collectively there’s enough going on and as long as they don’t think I’m going to cave, which again we have no interest in. An interesting idea that was brought up to me this morning by my chief of staff, we won’t do it until tomorrow is putting out an appeal to the Democrat leader that I would be willing to sit down and talk to him, the Assembly Democrat leader, plus the other two Republican leaders — talk, not negotiate and listen to what they have to say if they will in turn — but I’ll only do it if all 14 of them come back and sit down in the state assembly. They can recess it to come back in to talk to me, but they all have to go back there. The reason for that is — we’re verifying it this afternoon — but legally, we believe, once they’ve gone into session, they don’t physically have to be there. If they’re actually in session for that day, and they take a recess, the 19 Senate Republicans could then go into action and they’d have a quorum because they started out that way. So we’re double checking that. Bu that would be, if you heard that I was going to talk to them, that would be the only reason why. We would only do it if they came back to the Capitol with all 14 of them. My sense is hell, I’ll talk to them, if they want to yell at me for an hour, you know I’m used to that, I can deal with that, but I’m not negotiating.

[Great – he’s willing to lie, betray,  and intentionally mislead to get his way. Yup, that settles it: gangster.]

“Koch”: Bring a baseball bat. That’s what I’d do.

Walker: [Laughs] I have one in my office; you’d be happy with that. [Laughs] I got a Slugger with my name on it.

[A gangster who thinks beating people with a bat is funny. Wonderful – we’ve got a sadistic thug as our governor.]

“Koch”: Beautiful.

Walker: But in the end, this is, and I even pointed it out last night ‘cause I’m trying to keep out as many of the private unions as possible. I said, this is about the budget. This is about public sector unions. Hell, even FDR got it. There’s no place for the kind of, I mean, essentially you’re having taxpayers’ money being used to pay to lobby for spending more of taxpayers’ money. It’s absolutely ridiculous.

[Let’s see – once employees earn their salary, it’s their money. Can’t they spend it as they see fit? And wait a minute – how can this be about the budget? He testified to the U.S. Congress that the collective bargaining provisions didn’t affect the budget. ]

“Koch”: Beautiful.

Walker: So it’s, this is ground zero, there’s no doubt about it. But I think for us, I just keep telling my, I call any, I tell the speaker, the Senate majority leader every night: Give me a list of people I need to call at home, shore ‘em up. The New York Times of all things, I don’t normally tell people to read The New York Times, but the front page of The New York Times has got a great story, one of these unbelievable moments of true journalism, what it’s supposed to be objective journalism. They got out of the Capitol and went down, one county south from the Capitol to Janesville, to Rock County, that’s where the General Motors plant once was. They moved out two years ago. The lead on this story is about a guy who was laid off two years ago, he’s been laid off twice by GM, who points out that everybody else in his town has had to sacrifice except for all these public employees, and it’s about damn time  they do and he supports me. And they had a bartender, and they had every stereotypical blue-collar worker type they interviewed, and the only ones that weren’t with us were people who were either a public employee or married to a public employee. It’s an unbelievable story. So I went through and called a handful, a dozen or so lawmakers I worry about each day and said, “Every one of you should get that story printed out and send it to anyone giving you grief.”

[Oops! Except that he distorted the story – and the laid off guy from Janesville, described as “a union man from a union town” was not, in fact, a union member – and the New York Times printed a front page retraction – shown here at the bottom]

“Koch”: God damn right! We, uh, we sent, uh, Andrew Breitbart down there.

Walker: Yeah.

“Koch”: Yeah.

Walker: Good stuff.

“Koch”: Yeah. He’s our man, you know.

Walker: Well it has been amazing to me, the massive amount of attention. I want to stay ahead, so every day I do a five o’clock press conference, tonight I’m actually doing a fireside chat, which the state TV stations are picking up and I guess a bunch of the national ones too. And in the last couple of days when I do the TV shows, I’ve been going after Obama because he’s stuck his — although he’s backed off now — but he’s stuck his nose in here.

[Wow – make that a rude, sadistic gangster. And he’s “been going after Obama”? In the sense of an annoying gnat or what?]

And I said, you know they asked me what I thought about it, I said the last time I checked, this guy’s got a much bigger budget deficit than we do, maybe he should worry about that and not stick his nose in Wisconsin’s business.

[Ok, so charm is not on a list of Walker qualities.]

We’ve had all the national shows, we were on Hannity last night, I did Good Morning America and The Today Show and all that sort of stuff, was on Morning Joe this morning. We’ve done Greta. We’re gonna keep getting our message out; Mark Levin last night. And I gotta tell you, the response around the country has been phenomenal. I had Brian the new Governor over in Nevada, call me last night he said — he was out in the Lincoln Day Circuit in the last two weekends — and he was kidding me, he’s doing as well as me, he said, “Scott, don’t come to Nevada because I’d be afraid you beat me running for governor.” That’s all they want to talk about is what are you doing to help the governor of Wisconsin. I talk to Kasich every day, John’s gotta stand firm in Ohio. I think we could do the same thing with Rick Scott in Florida. I think, uh, Snyder, if he got a little more support, probably could do that in Michigan. You start going down the list there’s a lot of us new governors that got elected to do something big.

[Megalomania, anyone? I mean seriously, he’s prattling to David Koch about how important he is.]

“Koch”: You’re the first domino.

Walker: Yup. This is our moment.

“Koch”: Yeah. Now what else could we do for you down there?

Walker: Well the biggest thing would be — and your guy on the ground [Americans for Prosperity President Tim Phillips] probably seeing this, is the well, two things. One, our members, originally the guy that got freaked out about all the bodies here — although I told him an interesting story, when I was first elected county executive in Milwaukee of all places. The first budget I put through was pretty bold, aggressive and the union went nuts on me and got all sorts of grief. But a couple of weeks later I’m at a Veterans Day parade and I’m going down the line and usually unless you’re a veteran or marching with a veterans’ group, politicians all get polite applause but nobody gets up. I come down the line, 40, 50 people in a row, hands up, thumbs up, you know cheering, screaming, yelling, “Way to go, hang in there, Walker.” And then after about 40, 50 people like that, there’s a guy flipping me off. This goes on 40, 50 –

[break in recording]

– right thing, the people who know it’s right will cheer you, they’ll applaud you, they’ll run through a wall for you. And the people who don’t like you, they’re going to flip you off. But stop worrying about them because the other day there were 70,000, probably two-thirds were against the bill, one-third were for, 70,000 people at the Capitol.

[Definitely deluded – I mean, when he left Milwaukee County they couldn’t slam the door fast enough. And who told him one-third of the more than 70,000 people at the Capitol supported the bill? Not counting his fellow party members working in the building, maybe 5 people did – but that’s less than one one-thousandth per cent, certainly not quite the 25,000 supporters that he is claiming.]

All week there’s been fifteen to thirty thousand a day. But I remind all our lawmakers that there’s five and a half million people in this state. And just because a bunch of guys who can jump off of work because of their union rules doesn’t mean the rest of the people in your district are with them.

[Seriously deluded. Did he just say that everyone in the state of Wisconsin who didn’t come to the Capitol – including infants, small children, the disabled, the elderly, and anyone who had to be at work or had a conflict or couldn’t be there for whatever reason – supported him just because they didn’t come protest?]

So the one thing per your question, the more groups that are encouraging people not just to show up but to call lawmakers and tell them to hang firm with the governor, the better. Because the more they get that reassurance, the easier it is for them to vote yes. The other thing is more long term, and that is after this, you know the coming days and weeks and months ahead, particularly in some of these more swing areas, a lot of these guys are gonna need, they don’t actually need ads for them but they’re going to need a message out reinforcing why this is a good thing to do for the economy and a good thing to do for the state. So the extent that that message is out over and over again is obviously a good thing.

[Notice all the non-stop ads across the state by Club for Growth and Americans for Prosperity?]

“Koch”: Right, right. We’ll back you any way we can. But what we were thinking about the crowd was, uh, was planting some troublemakers.

Walker: You know the, well, the only problem with, because we thought about that,

[Dear lord – he actually thought about planting agitators! Someone could have gotten hurt!]

the problem with — my only gut reaction to that would be, right now the lawmakers I’ve talked to have just completely had it with them. The public is not really fond of this. The teacher’s union did some polling and focus groups I think and found out that the public turned on them the minute they closed school down for a couple of days. The guys we’ve got left are largely from out of state and I keep dismissing it in all my press comments, saying eh, they’re mostly from out of state.

[Scary delusional]

My only fear would be if there’s a ruckus caused is that, that would scare the public into thinking maybe the governor has to settle to avoid all these problems.

[Wait a minute – he seriously considered bringing in agitators to make the protestors look bad and his concern is not that it’s unethical and immoral and someone could get hurt but that it might cause the public to think he needed to compromise?]

You know, whereas I’ve said, hey, we can handle this, people can protest, this is Madison, you know, full of the ’60s liberals. Let ’em protest. It’s not gonna affect us. And as long as we go back to our homes and the majority of people are telling us we’re doing the right thing, let ’em protest all they want. So that’s my gut reaction is that I think it’s actually good if they’re constant, they’re noisy, but they’re quiet, nothing happens. Cause sooner or later the media stops finding them interesting.

“Koch”: Well, not the liberal bastards on MSNBC.

Walker: Oh yeah, but who watches that?

[He’s kidding, right?]

I mean I went on just on Morning Joe this morning. I like it just cause I just like being combative with those guys, but, uh. You know they’re off the deep end.

“Koch”: Joe, Joe’s a good guy. He’s one of us.

Walker: Yeah, he’s all right. He was fair to me. I mean, the rest of them are a little out there. Although I had fun, they had Schumer over from New York on, ripping me, and then they had a little clip of a state senator hiding out ripping me, and it was almost too easy. I walked in, Joe asked me a question and I said, well, before I answer that, let me just point out the amazing irony of the fact that you’ve got a United States senator from New York, a senator who by the way is part of a team that can’t seem to balance the federal budget talking about my budget.

[And stupid. But we knew that. I mean really – first off it’s a rude response. And second off – might not the federal budget problem have something to do with the republicans who refuse to compromise, insisting  on their extreme, far-right agenda, saying over and over they will not negotiate?]

At least he’s coming into work to talk about something, although it’s mine. And you’ve got one of these 14 state Senate Democrats who can’t even bother to show up and deal with the budget he’s elected to do something about. And uh, so that kind of tells you the whole story right there.

[Whole story my ass. Didn’t he just say two minutes ago that he wouldn’t talk with them?]

“Koch”: Beautiful; beautiful. You gotta love that Mika Brzezinski.

Walker: Oh yeah.

“Koch”: She’s a real piece of ass.

Walker: A couple weeks ago, I’d known Joe before, but I was having dinner with Jim Sensenbrenner when I came into D.C. for a day to do an event and we’d gone over to do the The Greta Show and had dinner with Congressman Sensenbrenner and right next to us was the two of them and then their guest was Axelrod [an Obama advisor not the ball player]. So I came over, I introduced myself.

“Koch”: That son of a bitch!

Walker: Yeah no kidding huh? [Such a good Christian.] Introduced myself and said I figured you probably knew who I was [Whoa – delusional AND narcistic] since your boss was campaigning against me [as if ] but it’s always good to let ‘em know you know what’s going on.

“Koch”: Well, good, good. It’s good catching up with ya’.

Walker: Yeah, well thanks. This is an exciting time. This is, ya know I told my cabinet, I had a dinner the Sunday uh, excuse me, Monday right after the sixth. Came home from the Super Bowl where the Packers won, that Monday night I had all my cabinet over to the residence for dinner, talked about what we were going to do, how we were going to do it, we’d already kind of built plans up but it was kind of the last hurrah before we dropped the bomb. And I stood up and I pulled out a picture of Ronald Reagan, and I said, you know, this may seem a little melodramatic, but 30 years ago Ronald Reagan, whose 100th birthday we just celebrated the day before, had one of the most defining moments of his political career, not just his presidency, when he fired the air traffic controllers.

[Really? I mean – really?]

And I said, to me that moment was more important than just for labor relations or even the federal budget. That was the first crack in the Berlin Wall in the fall of Communism because from that point forward the Soviets and the Communists knew that Ronald Reagan wasn’t a pushover. And I said, this may not have as broad of world applications, but in Wisconsin’s history — little did I know how big it would be nationally — Wisconsin’s history, I said, this is our moment. This is our time to change the course of history, and this is why it’s so important that they were all there. I had a cabinet meeting this morning, I reminded them of that. I said, for those who thought I was being melodramatic, you now know it was purely putting it in the right context.

[Where does one begin? And comparing  himself to Reagan?]

“Koch”: [Laughs] Well, I tell you what, Scott: Once you crush these bastards I’ll fly you out to Cali [California] and really show you a good time.

Walker: All right, that would be outstanding.

[Wait a minute – now he’s accepting free trips from campaign donors. Isn’t that illegal?]

“Koch”: All right

Walker: Thanks for all the support in helping us move the cause forward, and we appreciate it, and we’re doing it the just and right thing for the right reasons and it’s all about getting our freedoms back.

“Koch”: Absolutely. And, you know, we have a little bit of a vested interest as well. [Laughs]

Walker: Well that’s just it, the bottom line is we’re gonna get the world moving here ’cause it’s the right thing to do.

“Koch”: Alright then.

Walker: Thanks a million! [Several of them?]

“Koch”: Bye-bye!

Walker: Bye now.

Listen to tapes here: