Dear Woman In Front of Me at the Dunkin Donuts/Baskin-Robbins Express
Maybe you have no peripheral vision, so were incapable of seeing the growing crowd of people helplessly trapped behind you in line, desperately waiting for their coffee while you surveyed the (apparently) mind-numbing quantity of choices available to you and the children you were escorting.
Maybe your parents never taught you to be considerate of other living beings as you wander the face of this earth.
Maybe your parents raised you to believe that you, in fact, are the center of the universe as well as its sun, moon and stars and that all others should be dazzled and humbled by your magnificence.
Maybe you are just a selfish slob of a human being.
Whatever the reason, let me show you the path to enlightenment.
1. When you go to a place of business, be it a corner lemonade stand, a grocery store, or maybe a … Dunkin Donuts/Baskin-Robbins Express, do not get up to the register and do this:
Woman: Well Janie what do you want?
Janie: I don’t know. Do they have ice cream?
Woman: Ice cream? They don’t have ice cream this time of day.
Woman: What about you Bobby?
Bobby: I don’t know.
Woman: How about a bagel?
Bobby: Okay I guess.
Woman: Are you sure? Is that all?
Woman: Let’s see, we’ll take a plain bagel and some Munchkins®. And what are those over there? And those? Is that an apple fritter?”
Clerk: Here’s your bagel. Did you want some cream cheese with that?
Woman: Yes. Are those apple fritters?
Bobby: I want an apple fritter.
Woman: Here, you can have the bagel back and instead he’ll have an apple fritter. What about you Janie?
Janie: Do you have ice cream this time of day?
Clerk: We’re a Baskin-Robbins Express. We always have ice cream, but it’s soft serve.
Janie: I don’t want that.
Woman: I’ve decided I don’t want the Munchkins®. I want a Smoked Sausage sandwich.
Clerk: We don’t have that right now.
Woman: Well then I don’t know what I want. What about you Janie?
Janie: Do they have any Munchkins®?
Woman: Are those pumpkin Munchkins®?
Janie: I want some of those.
Woman: We’ll take an order of pumpkin Munchkins®.
Clerk: is that all?
Woman: Hmmm. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll have some coffee. Yes, I think I’ll have a small coffee.
Clerk: is that all?
Woman: I don’t know.
Le me repeat myself: this is NOT what you do.
2. This is what you do:
Woman: Janie and Bobby, do you know what you want?
Janie and Bobby: No.
Woman: Okay, we’ll step out of the way until we know what we want.
Thank you. This will keep my head from exploding.
Person With An Exploded Head