And the winner is …

Excuse me?

I don’t think he heard me.

EXCUSE ME???????

I’m trying to get the attention of Jason Amazingpsychic Betts, the lunkhead, sexist, boy genius, psychic to blame for creating the “World Genius Directorya fluid list of the world’s top minds compiled from certified IQ tests sent in by listees [i.e. the brainiacs claiming to be brainiacs]. Betts says his site is the definitive ranking.”

And he should know – he’s psychic!

But I don’t question that. Nope. I think anybody should be able to claim to be a genius. Even though it would be easy for psychics because whenever they take an IQ test, they already know the answers. (Which may explain why Jason is on his list.)

Here’s the part I do question. Check out the top 16 smartest people in the world. What do they all have in common (other than spending way too much time taking IQ tests)? I’ll give you a clue: they are all the same sex as the male who created the list.

Seriously? I mean, seriously?????

Six billion people on this planet – more than half of them non-male – and none of them make the top 16?

Please. The numbers should be reversed, if only because this definitively proves women are smarter than men: we don’t spend all our spare time taking IQ tests.

And there are lots to take. And lots of high IQ places to join. Check out some of the fun interests and hobbies of the smartest people in the world:

#2 “sometimes stays up 20 hours a day to finish IQ tests in a bid to knock [#1] out of the top spot.”

#4 admits that “IQ tests have become a fun hobby for him over the last five years and he even created verbal and numerical IQ tests of his own.”

#7 “is a member of at least five high IQ societies.”

#15 is “a member of at least 20 high IQ societies and founded his own.”

#16 “specializes in high end IQ tests, competitions and statistics.”

If that’s what being smart means – I don’t ever want to be that intelligent. Not only is this incredibly boring stuff (IQ tests are a fun hobby???), but who has the time? Either these guys don’t have a life (highly probable) or they still live with their parents (also highly probably) so they have someone else doing all their cooking and cleaning for them, allowing them to spend all night on their computer (“Ivan, dinner time!” “Not now, Mom, I’m solving the derivative of the cosine of the square root of pi and its relation to orbital escape velocity!”)

Women aren’t like that. First, we don’t have the same “mine is bigger than yours” need to compete. Second, we know that this is really boring stuff. Plus we don’t need to prove how smart we are. We already know it. How do we know? The answer is two little words: nail guns.

Based on nail guns, no way could anyone ever think that men are smarter than women, because we aren’t the ones who shoot ourselves with nail guns. And then not even know it.

For example, the man in Colorado who shot himself in the head and didn’t notice. A week later, his dentist took some dental x-rays and discovered the cause of the man’s “toothache.” He was rushed to a local hospital where doctors performed a six-hour operation to remove the 4-inch-long nail stuck in his skull.

One of the surgeons commented that he’s seen this type of accident several times and the victims seem to be exclusively male. Which may explain what happened to the man in Kansas who was helping a friend with a home-improvement project.

They were, of course, using a nail gun instead of a hammer, which accidentally fired while they were installing lattice onto a backyard deck.

As the men looked around for the nail, the friend found it securely holding the victim’s hat to his head. At the hospital, the emergency room doctor removed the nail with a specialized medical device called a claw hammer.

So women have already passed the only IQ test that matters. (Just ask Gail Glaenzer.)

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Posted on October 26, 2012, in Commentary, feminism, men, oddities, women. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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