Calling Dr. Seuss!

There are multiple good reasons why clothing was invented.

Reason #1: my body.  Which, thanks to the reasons why clothing was invented, I rarely have to see, especially because I almost always wear pants, which camouflage 50% of the reason. (I don’t care who you are or how much you workout – after a certain age, naked is no longer a good look for you.)

So I was amazed when I had an opportunity to wear a dress (note to self: do NOT let that happen again) and noticed that my legs had been hijacked by a cartographer.

Nobody had asked me, but there they were: hundreds of inches of highways and byways etched onto my skin from my lower thighs to my ankles. The good news: I no longer needed my GPS. The bad news: I now had spider veins.

I rushed to find sound, reliable medical information on the phenomena. This, of course, meant I googled it.

And immediately learned that, once again, I was cursed because of my sex.

The first hit was “women’s health.”

“Is life fair?” I ask.

“No, it is not,” I answer.

Because it doesn’t happen to most men – who don’t usually wear skirts and almost never wear pantyhose. No – but even if they did they are allowed the luxury of a furry blanket of hair that covers any spider veins they might, on the rare occasion, develop.

Not so women.

Because this is just another little fringe benefit of our gender:

We get them standing up.
We get them sitting down.
We get them here and there.
We get them everywhere.
From puberty to pregnancy,
to pausing menses you will see,
our hormones mean catastrophe!

In the pill or HRT,
for women, it’s just meant to be.
Estrogen, progesterone,
and age (the factors widely known)
will give to most us lucky “shes”
a spider vein filled destiny:
legs designed by Rand McNally!


Posted on October 3, 2012, in aging, Commentary, Humor, women. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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