How to tell the difference between a worthy cause and a lost cause (or when to stop flushing money down the toilet)
It only takes one storm surge to teach most people that building homes at sea level near oceans is probably not a good idea.
Most of the people who don’t catch on the first time will probably catch on after losing home number two.
And after home number three is swept away, even the thickest numbskull will pack whatever they can salvage from the flood waters and immediately buy a one-way ticket to Denver (AKA the Mile High City).
Surely no one could lose more than three homes and remain. Okay, so if they stay, surely they would rent instead of buy, right?
“Wait, I’m getting an update from the studio. Is that right, [insert news anchor name here]? We’ve found someone who lost more than three homes and stayed? What? I think you broke up. You found someone who lost FIVE homes and has plans for number six? Did I hear you correctly?”
“Dear sweet baby geezus are you kidding me? Oh – I’m still on the air? Sorry.”
“We’re cutting to our on the spot reporter who, even as we speak, is standing amid the receding flood waters and devastation that was Isaac, talking to the intrepid survivor.”
On the spot reporter: “We’re standing here in the receding flood waters and devastation that was Isaac, talking to the intrepid survivor who has now lost five homes in this area to hurricanes.”
Intrepid survivor: “Yup, I lost a home to a hurricane for the first time back in ’65. That was Betsy, a real whopper that one. Next I lost my home to Juan in ’85 and after that was, hmmm, yup, it was George in ’98 and of course there was Katrina in 2005. And now Isaac.”
On the spot reporter: “And all of these were homes at sea level near the ocean?”
Intrepid survivor: “Of course! Look around you! The entire southern part of the state is at or below sea level.”
On the spot reporter: “After losing five homes to hurricanes, are you thinking about moving to higher ground?”
Intrepid survivor: “I was born here. It’s home, home, home.”
On the spot reporter: “Supporters of the family have created a PayPal account for donations to help them rebuild so that next year, they can say it’s home, home, home, home, home, home.”