The Complete Republican Guide to Human Female Reproductive Organs
Protecting female reproductive organs is the top priority for the GOP, coming in ahead of jobs, the economy, and who should win “The Voice.” Historically a subject requiring a medical degree (or personal possession of said organs) – but no longer. This handy pocket-sized reference guide is jam-packed full of everything any Republican ever needs to know to defend women against themselves.
Part 1: The Naughty Bits
This is that uncharted area south of the navel and north of the knees usually marked on medical charts as “Here be Monsters.”
Part 2: Getting Closer
This part does not look at all like guy parts which makes it really, really scary. The female stuff is inside, down a long dark passageway where anything could be hiding. I mean, watch any horror movie about spelunking. People go into caves and they don’t come out.
Part 3: The Va-Jay-Jay or “That Which Must Not Be Named”
No way we’re gonna say the “V” word in a public place. Or a private place. Nobody should say that word. Ever. Anywhere. Because it can make your eyeballs melt in your head. Instead we’ll use medically and anatomically correct and respectful terms: twat, snatch, cooch, box, poontang, and love tunnel.
Part 4: The Journey
Simply put: the love tunnel connects the hoo-haa to the poontang. Somewhere in the nether regions are two whoopdedoos full of unborn persons, waiting for Republicans to free them.
Part 5: Cleaning House
Women and doctors might not agree, but what do they know, anyway.