Missing the Target

This is a hoot (no pun intended – it really is deliciously ironic): Hooters – you know, the chain that started the “breastaurant craze” (skinny waitresses with cartoonishly large breasts wearing costumes two sizes too small that leave nothing to the imagination causing men to flock in droves to drool over they didn’t care what was on the plate) – is trying to “revitalize its brand.”

What that really means is that the company has learned what women have always known: there are only so many men to go around. In other words, with other breastaurant chains opening faster than you can say “Maidenform,” Hooters’ revenue has dropped faster than those breasts will after having children.

So sad.

Anyway, the bright marketing guys at Hooters realized that they were ignoring over half of the population.

Hmmm. Wonder which half that could be.

“Since its founding, Hooters has essentially targeted one demographic: men. But that leaves 50% of the market entirely ignored … [it] is now undergoing a three- to five-year revitalization plan, which will include an updated menu, renovated restaurants, and an attempt to attract a demographic that has not historically patronized Hooters in large numbers: women.”

Wow. Bare, bulging breasts didn’t attract women? How did that happen?!

As one “Don’t Call Me Sexist” executive commented, “Historically the lion’s share [of Hooters’] position was all about the [Hooters’] girls. It’s worked relatively well, but we see ourselves in a bigger place than that.”

The bright marketing guys know exactly what they need to do to get to that “bigger place”: salads.

That’s right, all they have to do to appeal to the female demographic is update the menu so that their young, mostly-naked with breasts the size of Rhode Island “girls” can deliver a tasty low-calorie salad to the table.

Because everybody knows women don’t mind being objectified or called “girls”.

Yep. That should attract the female demographic.

Because we all know how much women like salads. And how stupid they are.

At least according to those bright marketing guys.


Posted on August 17, 2012, in Commentary, feminism, Humor, women. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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