How to Succeed in Government Without Even Trying

Do you want to earn big bucks?

Do you want great benefits?

Do you want to go straight to the top without wasting days or even hours getting “qualified” or gaining knowledge and experience?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions – and you live in Wisconsin – then we have the system for you. It’s called the “Scott Crony Appointment Method” (SCAM) and it works.

Here are just a few of the lucky people who can verify the benefits of SCAM.

Ryan M. was an ordinary college graduate before he signed up with SCAM. A short time later, after sucking up to several key Republicans as an aide or campaign worker, he was appointed the head of a Wisconsin state agency (with a budget of almost $162 million) at a salary of $105,000 a year complete with a benefit and retirement package honest Americans can only dream about.

Cathy S. was part-owner of a construction business when, thanks to SCAM, she  become head of the state agency in charge of protecting natural resources complete with a six figure salary. Did she have any experience in natural resources management? Did she have a college degree? Did she have any experience administering a huge, multifaceted agency? Did she even know what “nature” is?  Of course not! That’s the beauty of SCAM! She didn’t need any of that stuff! All she needed was her background as a Scott Walker supporter and political crony!

SCAM has worked for hundreds of people – and it can work for you, too. Have a bad driving record? No problem with SCAM.

Brian D. had no qualifications but he did have two drunken-driving convictions. Yet with SCAM he still landed an $81,500-per-year job in Scott Walker’s administration overseeing dozens of employees at the Department of Commerce – and – even though Walker claimed Wisconsin was broke and public employees were overpaid, Brian still earned a promotion AND a 26% pay raise in just two months. All it took was a lobbyist dad who gave big bucks to Scott Walker’s campaign.

Perhaps you already have the job of your dreams so would prefer an appointment to a cushy commission instead of a cushy job.  No problemo – SCAM fits the bill!

One of those commissions is the state Judicial Commission, expected to “enforce high standards of judicial behavior, both on and off the bench, without compromising judicial independence.” The members “strive to maintain public confidence in the judiciary by providing a forum for the expeditious and fair disposition of complaints of judicial misconduct and disability.”

Skeptics might think a lack of impartiality, any knowledge of the law or judicial ethics might be a disadvantage – but they’ll become true believers once they see SCAM in action and learn that no donation goes unrewarded!

Eileen B. was an ordinary homemaker and ardent conservative whose qualifications were her long-term marriage and the $5,350 she gave Republican campaigns. But with SCAM, those qualifications were more than enough to became a new member of the Judicial Commission.

Dentist Mark B. and anesthesiologist Assef S. also seemed hopelessly unqualified but both were “fiercely conservative” Republican donors who would do what was needed when investigating the pending ethics complaints against former Republican Assemblyman and current Supreme Court Justice David Prosser. It was mere coincidence that both were recommended by a former Republican Assembly speaker who once worked for Prosser.

Once again, SCAM worked its mysterious magic and both were appointed!

What’s the catch? There is none! Think it won’t work for you? Nonsense! It works for anyone with a checkbook! Just put aside your ethics and principles and put SCAM to work for you today!

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Posted on July 19, 2012, in Commentary, conservatives, government, Humor, Politics, Republicans, Scott Walker. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. You keep outdoing yourself! This is great.

  2. Brown shirts one and all! It does not hurt your qualification if you graduated from a born again school because it’s reported that Herr Walker talks to GAWD.

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