Why We’re Losing the Battle of the Sexes

First it was the Republicans and their war on women (because it’s okay for women to earn less – after all, money is more important to men),  probing our vaginas, forcing us to have medical procedures we didn’t really want, telling our doctors they should lie to us for our own good and limiting our reproductive freedom, even access to contraception, holding a congressional hearing on the subject at which all the witnesses were male clergymen – including a priest – because, after all, father knows best.

And the whole time I’m being a typical hysterical female, overreacting and screeching at my television something along the lines of: “YOU DIRTY S-O-B’S, HOW DARE YOU! TAKE YOUR MISOGYNIST BULL CRAP AND SOD OFF.”  All because I couldn’t understand why they think they need to tell us what to do with our bodies.

Then I read an example of journalism at its finest (“21 TV Shows We Love to Hate“) and I understood.

Of the 21 popular shows depicting people as completely mindless idiots, 13 of them – that’s right, THIRTEEN – were about completely mindless idiotic women.

In other words, space aliens watching American television probably think that not only is there no intelligent life on our planet – women have all the brain power of a kumquat. Maybe less.

1. Single Ladies: a VH-1 soap opera about a group of self-absorbed young women described by one critic as “a series for people who found Sex and the City too quick-witted and The Wendy Williams Show too intellectually stimulating.”

2. Girls: an HBO comedy about a group of self-absorbed, privileged, 20-something female New Yorkers who grew up believing that Sex and the City was actually a documentary about the struggle to find designer shoes at wholesale prices.

3. The Real Housewives of  [New Jersey, New York City, Orange County, Des Moines, Bemidji, Fargo and Decatur]: a Bravo series about a group of self-absorbed, privileged women and their search for richer husbands who own plastic surgery centers.

4. The Kardashians (Kris, Kourtney, Kim, Khloé, and Kylie): an E! series about a family of self-absorbed, privileged women and their search for words beginning with “K”, as they  struggle with a dictionary which uses a konfusing “alphabetical” sequence, kausing kaos, konflict, and konsternation.

5. I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant: a TLC series featuring dramatic re-enactments of the real-life stories of women who seriously thought it was just a little constipation.

6. Toddlers & Tiaras:  the TLC show about self-absorbed, dysfunctional women and their search for fulfillment by dressing their pre-school age daughters as hookers and teaching them to shake their booties.

7. Weeds: a Showtime series about a privileged, self-absorbed mom who sells drugs for a living because it’s, like, hard to work a real job.

8. The View: the ABC show about a group of self-absorbed, privileged women who think people take their opinions seriously.

9, 10, 11. Basketball Wives, Bridezillas, Bad Girls Club: assorted series about self-absorbed narcissists having hissy fits. Otherwise know as Bimbos Behaving Badly.

12. 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom: the MTV shows in which self-absorbed young narcissists reproduce, glamorizing the benefits of irresponsible sex. (Have a baby and be on TV! Hey – it worked for the Duggars!)

13. America’s Next Top Model: a CW show in which a group of tall, skinny, self-absorbed photogenic females compete for the honor of being most vapid.

Ladies – we don’t stand a chance.

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Posted on June 2, 2012, in Commentary, Humor, Politics, women. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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