What Your Facebook Posts Say About You!

You’re hip. You’re savvy. You’re cool.

That’s why you use facebook – the now publicly-traded  overpriced social network that lets you rapidly communicate to the entire universe including 178,293 of your closest friends just how much of an illiterate, ignorant, possibly racist, bigot you really are. Only not as fast as if you tweeted the exact same stuff.

How do I know this? Because I can read.

For example, our governor, Scott Walker, has a facebook page. He makes random odd posts like this: “In Whitehall for groundbreaking of $6m expansion @ Ashley Furniture: 225 new jobs!”

(He also tweets, a phenomenon that’s inspired its own facebook page called “Things Scott Walker Tweets,” a page “dedicated to the VERY important, grammatically-correct tweets that Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker posts.”)

Of course Scotty just coincidentally showed up “in Whitehall” for a completely random photo-op which of course must mean that, as a Magical Job Fairy, he had something to do with creating the new jobs (note to party poopers who insist on facts: no he didn’t).

But his legions of admirers, most of whom appear to be from someplace other than Wisconsin (possibly a prison cell in Louisiana), post comments, lots of comments, which, upon careful scrutiny, show a pattern which, upon careful review, tend to indicate certain characteristics. In other words, you can pretty much guess a whole lot about the person without even looking at their page.

For example:

Wonderful! I’m very familiar with Whitehall and Ashley Furniture. They make great furniture. Thank you for what you’ve done for Wisconsin, and Lord willing, what you’ll continue to do in the future:)

Enjoys “The Bible” and being conservative; believes in Magical Job Fairies.

“We love you, Governor Scott! You are a great blessing to your state.”

Lives in Florida; believes the earth is flat.

“Great job Scott Walker !!! Keep up the good work..hopefully Wisc people have a brain in their heads.”

Lives in Illinois. Hopes “Wisc people” have a brain because she has none.

“I don’t live in WI but would be proud to have Scott Walker as mygovernor … whoever said thanks Obama must have their head in the sand. Go Scott Walker….save WIsconsin from the unions.”

Lives in Arizona; is a Fox fan and is “another good Christian” who adores Glenn Beck.

“(1) Obama sucks. (2) Scott Walker will become a National Hero- if the Conservatives of Wisconsin support him on election day- and can keep democratic dead, illegal aliens, and out-of-State SEIU workers from voting for Barrett. Tea Party Voter observers are needed!”

This religious tea pot enjoys Fox News, small-minded bigotry, and traditional conservative intolerance.

“I will buy my new furniture from Ashley…esp. since they are in WI. I will soon be relocating to WI from IL…which is in the state it’s in because of dems and unions.”

Lives in Illinois, believes in Fox News and God (in that order), is geographically impaired and needs to cut back on her meds.

“Guys of WI stay behind this man. You are on the right track and the lefties hate it. It will get where if any good men get elected all the crazies have to do is step in and demand a recall and it gets done.”

Lives in Alabama, believes education is a waste, and is a deeply religious woman whose favorite movie is the real life story of a redeemed hooker called “Pretty Woman.” She gets all her news from Fox and hums “Stand by Your Man” whenever she has to wait for the bathroom.

“Save Wisconsin!! Save the Country!! Damn the socialistic, libtarded Democraps of the party of treason!! Let’s yank our country back from those anti American bastards!!”

Lives in Alaska. Worships Sarah Palin. Loves big guns. Hates books.

I would like to say yes Ashley Furniture Industries is a great Company to work for.They have Great Benifits and Programs out there for their employees. Yet they would not be so successful if it wasn’t for people like Gov. Walker Ashley furniture was at one time based out of Liberal Illinois. There is reason for them no longer being there. Number one reason is Cost Ashley Furniture would have failed if they would have stayed in Illinois due to the fact of Big Labor Unions Bulldozing them and High Taxes. So Thank you Scott Walker For all you do.

An illiterate misogynist who listens to Ted Nugent (and only Ted Nugent), quotes Rush Limbaugh, and is challenged by the deep mysteries of truck and tractor pulls. Believes saying something is a “fact” makes it one.

“Scott Walker will win this stupid re-call because of his courage. Something the Liberals of Wisconsin don’t have…..like running and hiding in Illinois when faced with a difficult challenge!!!! What a bunch of Cowards!!!TGFSW!!!”

Another good Christian who listens to Ted Nugent, wants to bring Jesus Christ back to the forefront of society and the planet, and believes in his god-given right to stand his ground and shoot to kill. Even if it’s a sleep-walking ten-year-old neighbor.

“Good luck Scott. Per North Carolina governor Perdue, their voters are like Mississippi folks. I’m proud to be from a Conservative state who is pro-military, pro-marriage as per our God (man and woman), pro-balanced budget, pro-legal immigration, pro-USA, but anti-Obama.

From Mississippi (but you already knew that, didn’t you) and loves grits, cornpone, lynchings and cross-burnings. Never met a person of color he liked. Believes “they” are destroying this great country. (“They” include blacks, Latinos, and anyone else who is not a single, balding, middle-aged white guy from Mississippi).

It’s easy! Anytime you see “liberal” “libs” libtards” “Obama” “Obummer” “dems” “democrat” “democratic” “unions” “pro-marriage” “patriot” “stand with” “lefties” “crazies” “commies” “socialist” “smaller government” “handout” “entitlement” “god” “christian” “christ” “lord” or “tax” (with or without “spend”) you’ll be able to guess what they like, what they watch, what they hate, and where they probably live without looking at their facebook page.

Go ahead – try it. It’s fun.

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Posted on May 30, 2012, in Commentary, government, Humor, Other, Politics, Scott Walker, Tea Party. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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