Clash of the Robo-Calls!

I didn’t win the gazillion dollar lottery prize this week which is a real shame because I would have used that money wisely and donated it for a worthy cause: ending the robo-calls which have made us all afraid of our phones.

I would have endorsed the check to the Republican conservative candidates and PACs (super and non-super) which have been calling (you, me, ALL of us – non-stop hour after hour, day after day, week after week) and told them they could keep it on one condition: they discontinue all political phone calls and leave us in peace.

As every Wisconsinite knows, it’s been hell. The phone rings. Caller I.D. tells me it’s a secret admirer. If I don’t answer, the answering machine does and the robo-call from the Romney Super PAC fills its memory with an impassioned recorded explanation of why Santorum is the worst Republican ever. Or the robo-call from the Santorum Super PAC fills its memory with an impassioned recorded explanation of why Romney is the worst Republican ever. If they accidentally provide a phone number, when I call to complain I get another recording.

Then yesterday I answered the phone and a real person started talking. It was John Klein calling for Conservative Strikeforce in defense of Scott Walker because all the big unions and liberal were railroading him so could they count on my supp — that’s when I interrupted him.

Excuse me, what’s Conservative Strikeforce? He said a PAC in Arlington Virginia founded by Dennis Whitfield in 2009.

Are you being paid by them?

No, he worked for Target Outreach at a call center in Oshkosh.

Oh good, I told him, at least the money is going to a Wisconsin business.

No, he said, Target Outreach is a Canadian corporation but if you give them money it goes to Conservative Strikeforce.

Who are you calling? “Everybody.”

So then I asked, exactly which big unions are railroading Walker?

He didn’t have that information.

Okay – which liberals?

He didn’t have that information.

You can’t name a single person or union?


Exactly how is Scott Walker being railroaded?

He didn’t have that information.

You don’t have that information?

Well, they just give me talking points, but the big unions are out to get Walker because he ended all collective bargaining for all unions.

Well, no, I said, actually he only ended collective bargaining for public unions.

He didn’t think that was true.

You work in Wisconsin and you didn’t know that? Well what about all the other things Walker is doing like hurting women’s rights and repealing equal pay and repealing discrimination remedies and repealing consumer rights and repealing tenant rights and making access to women’s reproductive health care more difficult and kicking people off health insurance and raising taxes on the poor.

He told me Walker hadn’t done those things. I told him yes – in fact he’d signed a bunch of new bills into law this past week. Gee, I said, if you’re going to be saying this stuff, don’t you think you should have facts supporting it? And when Walker keeps saying people are out to get him he sounds paranoid, don’t you think? And doesn’t that make you wonder if he should even be governor? I mean, doesn’t he sound a lot like that crazy Navy officer that Humphrey Bogart played, the one who thought people had stolen his strawberries?

He didn’t know, he’d only seen Casablanca, Treasure of the Sierra Madre and The African Queen.

I told him those were good choices, but he really should watch it, it was a great movie, and the crazy captain would really remind him of Walker. Especially the part with the marbles.

And at some point in all of that, when I asked him for the factual basis for anything he was saying, and told him that conservatives kept making assertions like that but when I asked for their factual basis they couldn’t tell me he asked if I had access to the internet and if I did I should just google it, maybe I could find out that way.

Then he said obviously he couldn’t answer my questions so have a good evening and he hung up.

And that was when I remembered the name of the movie: The Caine Mutiny.

So I tried calling John back at the number showing on my Caller I.D to tell him.

I got a recording.


Posted on April 1, 2012, in Commentary, Politics, Republicans. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. As usual, you made me laugh. The sad thing is that everything you said is true. Which isn’t funny, really. Sometimes I think the whole Walker thing is a joke, and then I read the paper and .. isn’t.
    Thanks for your insight and for sharing your talents with us.

  2. Wonderful article and I sure enjoy your common sence approach.

    I am impressed with the term STRIKEFORCE because it brings up images of Force Recon, Seals, and/or Special Forces attacking foreign evildoers (I’m saying that with tongue in cheek). In the Republican Conservative Super PACs case we have a group of CHICKENHAWKS bent on the destruction of The US Constitution and our Bill of Rights and that sure sound like domestic terrorism. Maybe we should get Homeland Security in on this one?

  3. caecus mos insisto ignarus

    I used to work at “tragic Outrage” (as anyone who actually cared about politics called it) and the interesting thing is 95% of the employees ARE DEMOCRATS. We laughed our arses off sharing conversations from the TRULY IGNORANT Right Wing. I can tell you that those of us who followed politics (at the office) knew that the Walker Recall was going to fail. Yet, as early as late August we KNEW that Obama was headed for a landslide.

    My Recommendation: Poll the Fundraisers, we get the unfiltered/unvarnished sentiments (oft times SERIOUSLY SCARY STUFF) from the Repubs we called, WAAAAAYYYY before the “pollsters” figured out how to write their next demographic algorithm for the next round of polling. The WI State Repubs were pisssed about the Recall and obviously motivated. Nationwide the Repubs were a constant river of regret over McCain and loathing of Romney (who most considered clueless).

    Working there was nothing but humorous. Now the Repubs are going to tear their party apart over their OWN internal class warfare: Millionaires vs.Poverty-stricken, bible-thumpers. Not surprising at all.

  4. I used to work at Target Outreach! It is where the old Hollywood video and game crazy were in Oshkosh. If you don’t make enough money they gather you and everyone else who had a bad week fundraising and say the company is having “massive lay offs” then continue to hire anyone who wants a job. No one in that building is a conservative and John is a Green Party member. Here is there number 920-236-9058 Gary, Phil, Dave, or Mike should pick up the phone. Please, have fun.

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