Howdy, Stranger!

Before the internet was invented, I never knew how many friendly people there were in the world. In fact, one of the best features of the internet is how it lets thousands of complete strangers, strangers I have never met, tell me how much they want to have sex with me.

I receive many kind and thoughtful invitations every day. For example, “Local HookUp” sent me this: “Subject: You Have Been Invited To Hook Up For Sex,‏” while at the same time, “Someone on the ‘Facebook’ of sexy dating” is looking for me. Or how about an opportunity like this? “Final chance to go to a Swingers Party – Hello, Did you know that there are swinger’s parties all of the time?”

I didn’t know, thank you, and much preferred it that way.

A large number of these friendly people seem to not know two critical details: 1) I am a woman; and 2) I am straight.

In one day I received this:

“Women that love Threesom.
Sleep with 2 women at the same time this week – Our Threesome Dating Community is looking for new members like you that want to have threesomes …”


“Sleep with sexual college women – We would like to invite you to join our Sugar Daddy dating community today!”


“Someones wife needs your attention – We wanted to let you know as soon as possible that someone’s wife needs your attention …”

And this:

“Married women looking to sleep with new people – Married Women Looking to have sexual encounters!”

This friendly group doesn’t include the helpful people who want me to be able to have sex as often as I wish. wrote me about “Trusted:SexualPenisPills.” CanadianPharmacy is offering “Viagra©-Cia1is©-Levitra©-8O%-0ff‏” while “Best-Penis” wanted to tell me about “Max-Gentleman*Enlargement*Pills.” Perhaps that is what was referring to in his email about “forget about sexual rest.” Or I could listen to the sound advice from and “BUY NOW VIAGRA CIALIS !!!”

And if that doesn’t work, I can always use “7 of the Most Powerful Opening Lines for Prospecting.”

But I can’t help thinking that all these friendly people would get discouraged and stop sending me these emails – unless someone, somewhere, is hitting “reply” and ordering that “New Mind Control Video!!!” Or couldn’t resist the “Hard to resist bonus offers at Lucky Cash Club.”

But seriously – dudes – some of you actually respond to this stuff? You do realize that the person writing you is not really “Denise Richards” but is some guy at a keyboard in some country you can’t pronounce who hasn’t bathed in three weeks and lives with a goat?

You knew that, right?


Posted on March 19, 2012, in Commentary, Humor, men, Other, women. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: