You Can’t Go Home Again

Sometimes you get an idea which seems perfectly reasonable at the time but which, in hindsight, was pretty damn stupid. (Just ask George Custer.)

For example, reminiscing about something from your past, something that you now recall fondly, perhaps an old girlfriend or boyfriend, wondering where they are and if they ever think of you, too.

Stop. Right. There. Because the very next thing that will occur to you is that maybe you should look them up.

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

It is imperative to keep in mind that nothing ever happened as you remember it. More than likely it didn’t happen at all. But if it did, it definitely was not how you remember it.

For example, you and your old flame never really spent a romantic week in Venice, touring the city in a gondola. You never spent a week together anywhere: you once shared a ride in an overcrowded, leaky rowboat, got caught in a downburst and barely made it to shore alive. Your “flame” never spoke to you again.

So it is with all fond memories.

Including Saturday Night Live. You know, the hysterically funny, ground-breaking series which made history. The Not Ready for Prime Time Players. Land sharks. The Coneheads. Samurai Delicatessen.

Waxing nostalgic, I decided I should revisit those classic early years. I checked out the SNL First Season on DVD from the local library.

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

Convinced the library had mistakenly given me an illegal copy which omitted the funny parts, I tried again with The Muppet Show. You know, the hysterically funny, ground-breaking series which made history with an inter-species relationship between a frog and a pig.

I checked out several seasons on DVD from the local library.

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

I put in the first DVD. Pushed play. Leaned back to enjoy the show, prepared to get things started with the Muppet Show tonight and dear lord where did that cheesy opening number come from? I don’t remember that! Kermit, when are you going to get some assertiveness training and that Miss Piggy! She either ditches that whiny voice or I swear I’ll rip that wig right off her head and will somebody please give the Swedish Chef some speech therapy?  And Fozzie Bear, I’m sorry but you need some serious career counseling.

And for god’s sake – call Shady Rest and tell them to come pick up those two grumpy old coots.

I should have known better: those who forget the past are doomed to revisit it.

So, the next time you feel inclined to take a trip down memory lane: don’t. Make a u-turn and get the hell out of there instead.


Posted on January 28, 2012, in Commentary, Humor. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. In 1985 Al Pacino, Nastassja Kinski & Donald Sutherland stared in a very good movie about the American Revolution called REVOLUTION. I though it historical correct and I purchased a copy back then. There was a scene in the movie which was a condemnation of business men during that war. These malcontents had promised barrels of salted fish to feed the troops during the Battle of New York but the battle was being lost so the businessmen didn’t delivery the fish. Those businessmen were in fine form with today’s corporate amerika who have a different sense of patriotism, duty and honor.

    Over the years I had lost my original and decided to watch a newer version only to find the entire scene cut and trashed by censorship.

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