“Truth: conformity with fact or reality”

Dear Republican Party of Wisconsin,

I’m worried about you. You’ve been sending me expensive three-color 8.5” by 11” fliers telling me how wonderful Scott Walker is. I found three in my mailbox yesterday, and another one today. I’m assuming you sent them to persuade me to believe you and support Walker during the pending recall.

It’s nice of you to think of me – and I know the Post Office can use the business – but I’m starting to wonder if you’ve been consuming something which might impair your judgment.

Why do I wonder? Two of the ones from yesterday went on and on and on about the “do-nothing” Congress in Washington D.C. (yes, that’s right, the Congress in which the Republicans vowed they would block any attempts to do anything until the next election).

I must caution you that when it’s your party doing the nothing, you might not want to remind me of that when you’re asking me to support a Republican – even if you do call him a “do-something” governor. Because I might not be crazy about the something he’s been doing.

And then there’s that whole “wiped out a $3.6 billion budget deficit without raising taxes” spiel. Please – I mean, I think we both know that: 1. the forecast deficit was only on paper and 2. the budget has always been balanced in Wisconsin because our state constitution requires it and 3. Walker’s budget raised taxes on the poor and 4. Walker admitted that he didn’t really balance the budget, just paid it forward with accounting tricks. (“Wisconsin has or projects to have a budget deficit during state fiscal year 2012″ and “projects a budget deficit for the  state fiscal year 2013.”)

Now let’s address your pronouncement that Walker is “creating Wisconsin Jobs.”

I understand denial. I have a whole wardrobe waiting for when I finally lose those extra 5 pounds. But it’s not healthy. I know the truth can be difficult to confront. I know you want to pretend otherwise, but in the long run you’ll feel much better if you just accept it.

Take a deep breath. Then another, and repeat after me: “Wisconsin has lost jobs every month since Walker’s budget became law.” There now, don’t you feel better? (And by the way, saying that public workers “now contribute to their health care and pension benefits” conveniently overlooks the reality that they already did through deferred compensation. And what is it with you treating them like a separate species? You know – the “they’re not like ’us’ ” bit).

And it strikes me that you think Walker is some kind of magical job fairy, with jobs popping into existence wherever he goes: “Walker visits Whitewater Generac plant, company announces 400 new jobs.”

I’m not a psychologist but even I can sense a certain disconnect from reality going on here. If it were true, shouldn’t he be traveling from town to town like Johnny Appleseed, magically creating jobs instead of wasting his time at NYC fundraisers hosted by AIG bigwigs? (Yes, that AIG, the one which cratered the economy.)

Maybe the disconnect from reality is why you are able to say things like “Walker is saving Wisconsin taxpayers $848 million” while citing Walker’s own website as the factual source. Or announce (with no factual basis) that “Wisconsin’s job creators agree: With Scott Walker as Governor, Wisconsin is moving forward.”

First, let me say that that I really don’t want the state moving anywhere, but if you do move it, could you put it between California and Oregon? (They get some great weather out there.)

Second, what is it with “job creators”? You showed me nice pictures of smiling professional models and actors who look happy to be professional models and actors. They also look like they live someplace that’s not in Wisconsin (like the guy who’s standing on the prairie somewhere in Colorado).

I’m really interested in learning who these job creators really are. Because you don’t say. What you do say is that 94% of them “feel Wisconsin is now heading in the right direction.” Even though that’s not what the survey question asked. This is supposed to persuade me?

The actual question was “Do you think things in Wisconsin are going in the right direction?” (Please note – NO “now” included.) That survey was answered by 281 members of the conservative Wisconsin Manufacturers & Commerce, which gives Walker a lot of money in exchange for favors.

I understand you skipped your reasoning classes but try to follow me. Isn’t this about the most useless question ever? What does it mean? What are “things”? What is the “right” direction? What if they were talking about Blu-ray vs. DVD’s?

And who could presume that either the question or the answer had anything to do with a magical job fairy? Or could ever be stretched beyond recognition to justify saying that “Wisconsin’s job creators agree: With Scott Walker as Governor, Wisconsin is moving forward”?

And I understand you also skipped math class, because 94% of 281 is 264. So what the survey really says is that 264 random (probably wealthy) people, none of whom I might call a job creator (which my economic text books define as “consumer demand”) feel “things” are heading in the “right direction.”

We don’t know what things. And we don’t know what direction (east, west, north or south), only that it’s the “right” one.

Which is why I’m writing to you. Because, quite frankly, this level of inaccuracy passes beyond mere embarrassment to become outright mortification. While I hesitate to call you a dirty, deceitful, no good, lying sack of excrement, I will say that your veracity seems less than reliable.

Maybe it’s denial. Maybe you cut class whenever logic and the economy were being discussed. Maybe it’s hallucinogens. Maybe you’re fact-challenged. Maybe you’re plumb crazy. Maybe you’re just plain dumb. Whatever the reason, I know you can be helped.

It’s easy. All you have to do is repeat after me: “the truth shall set you free.”

You’ll feel better. Really. Although you might suddenly find yourself supporting the recall.


Posted on January 19, 2012, in Commentary, government, Humor, Politics, recall, Republicans, Scott Walker. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Sort of like the delusional giant Herr Walker billboard proclaiming “Gov. Scott Walker creating jobs for Wisconsin” placed in front of the empty GM plant in Janesville. The only thing going on at this used to be productive manufacturing facility is the crab grass growing in the empty parking lots and the rats and mice having free reign inside those deserted walls. Needless to say Janesville suffers from 18% unemployment! The billboard was gone within 48 hours after the NEOCON RAT TURDS recognized their OOPS!

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