No Good Deed Goes Unpunished Or How I Went To A Rally For Progressives And Ended Up Surrounded By The Tea Party

I’m standing in a store. A gentleman wants to shake my hand. I’m a little surprised until I realize it’s because I’m still wearing my “I signed the recall Walker petition” sticker. He claims to be a Democrat and mentions a rally that evening. A rally for progressives. I decide to stop by on the way to my exercise class.

I get to the correct location at the correct time but find no one. After looking around for a bit I find a room with a few dozen people inside. When I ask an older gentleman if this is the progressives meeting he say no, it’s the non-partisan Rock County Voter Education Forum. I think to myself: “Non-partisan voter education? They must be connected with the League of Women Voters!” So I ask him that. He says, “No, this group is non-partisan. The League of Women Voters are partisan, they’re Democrats.”

This is the part where I start to suspect I might have been set up.

So I ask the gentleman if he has a brochure or some type of written information about the group. He hands me a folded piece of paper. I thank him, skimming the contents just long enough to know I need to retreat before they realize I’m there. Fortunately I was not wearing my “I signed the recall Walker petition” sticker. I casually back out of the room doing my best imitation of a far right fundamentalist and breathe a sigh of relief when I am safely back in my car. With the doors locked.

When I get home later that evening, I discovered from the written information that the “non-partisan” group ardently supported all things far-right Republican, especially the “core values” of “Limited Government and Free Markets.” Similarly, they believe that government regulations protecting the public and the environment “results in the export of good-paying American jobs” causing “Hardworking American families to suffer extreme job loss.” Better to let the businesses poison our air and water so that the jobs can stay here.

I would laugh if they weren’t so scary.

Issues they worry about include: “Anchor babies,” “Planned Parenthood Exploitation of Children,” “Anchor babies” (this seems to be a real big issue for them), and the “Emasculation of the Importance of Men.” No – I don’t know what that means.

High on their list of concerns (in no particular order of importance) are also: Rejection of English; Anti-Marriage Trends; Teen anti-Marriage Mindset; Sex Education in Public Schools (which most certainly is the cause of their other concerns: Teen Promiscuity, Teen STD’s, and Teen Pregnancy).

They believe in the Fourth Amendment right of the people to be free from unreasonable searches and seizure, but only if they have enough money. Poor people should be drug tested to get assistance. (Correcting the Founding Fathers’ omission of an important footnote from the Constitution: “poor people excluded from the foregoing rights.”)

They worry about public school “social indoctrination [which] does not bode well for the advancement of our society.” And that “bureaucrats” are going to “socially engineer our way of life to accomplish a Socialist agenda.”

Sustainable development (i.e. “let’s not poison the planet because it would be really nice if humans could survive longer than the next 100 years”) and taxes are bad things. Very bad things. Possible the worst of all bad things. Except for illegal aliens and the Affordable Care Act, which may be worse because it limits our freedom to die when we can’t afford health care. Anything else is an unconstitutional restraint on the free market.

“It is important to know that your unalienable rights” to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness “come from God.”

Who carved them into two stone tablets which he gave to Abraham Lincoln atop Mount Vernon. Just before he climbed into his spaceship and left the building with his blue suede shoes. All of which makes more sense than anything I read on that piece of paper.


Posted on January 11, 2012, in Commentary, Fourth Amendment, government, Humor, Other, Politics, Republicans. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I know it’s not nice to call people names but if the shoe fits then they are known as Neo-Nazis or I prefer NEOCON RAT TURDS. They hate the US Constitution, lie, cheat, steal and kill everything except the fetus.

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