Papers Please

Mrs. Higgins’ face has turned an unnatural shade of eggplant purple, a color I didn’t think was possible for humans to produce. I’m sure you’re wondering why, but only if you hadn’t read the story about the 84 year old partially paralyzed woman who has to pay $20 to vote.

“Wait a minute!” reasonable minds would exclaim, “This is America, where the 24th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution says that people can’t be charged to vote!

And you would be partially right. But we don’t live in America. We live in Fitzwalkerstan.

Here in Fitzwalkerstan, we have a new law. The new law requires voters (in order to vote, mind you) to produce a specific form of government issued identification bearing a photograph and current address. Getting the ID’s – a passport or driver’s license or state ID card – requires a birth certificate.

This is so that the people who don’t have the specific form of identification  – who tend to be poor, the elderly, minorities, and students (the people who tend to not vote the way they should) – can’t vote. People like 84 year old Ruthelle Frank, who has voted in every election since 1948. She was born at home and has never had a birth certificate. Never needed it. Now she has to get one, which will cost $20, which, as she astutely noted, seems “like paying a fee to vote.”

She’s not alone: hundreds of thousands of eligible voters are similarly impacted.  like the woman who moved here from out of state, took a $22 cab ride to the DMV for her ID, was rejected because she didn’t have a birth certificate, sent $17 to her birth state for an official birth certificate, and will have at least one more $22 cab ride to the DMV. As Ms. Frank noted, “I feel for other people out there [who don’t have IDs]. I think they just won’t vote.”

If reading the news stories don’t make you the same shade of purple as Mrs. Higgins, reading the many comments from people who think restricting voting rights is a really good idea should do the trick.

“Rights, rights, rights. What about responsibilities that accompany each and every right in this country? If you’re unwilling or unable to assume those responsibilities – for whatever reasons – then you surrender those rights.”


“Some people need to get out in the world and they would find ‘No Ticky’, ‘No Laundry.”

Excuse me a minute while I try to stop Mrs. Higgins from banging her head against the wall.

[soft Muzak plays]

I’m back. I gave her an aspirin and she’s resting quietly. She asked me to check something while she tries to get her normal color back.

Hmmm. Let’s see. The 24th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution states: “The right of citizens of the United States to vote … shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or any state by reason of failure to pay any poll tax or other tax.”

I called the post office and they confirmed that, at least this week, Wisconsin is still a state. And still part of the United States. So where in the world do these people live?

“Life’s a booger, sometimes. But when you compare what this woman went through to those brave men and women who put their lives on the line to help us hang onto our freedoms, this other stuff seems like a walk in the park.

Let’s see: “those brave men and women who put their lives on the line”? They did it to help people like Ruthelle Frank hang onto her right to vote. Hello? Is this person snorting nitrous oxide?

And this one:

Liberals will always look for the most extreme case possible. This woman looks to be maybe in her 70’s and has had all her life to get this situation straightened out. You mean to tell me she has never needed an ID until now? Really?”

“Get this situation straightened out?” What situation? She’s 84 years old. She’s always voted. She’s never needed a birth certificate. “You mean to tell me she has never needed an ID until now?” Yes, that’s what she told you. Really.

“I feel strongly that you should have to produce evidence of a right to vote.”

And I feel strongly that you should have to pass an IQ test to have the right to vote.

“I think it a great idea to have as few dead people as possible voting”

So do I. But Ms. Frank isn’t dead. Just old. And exactly how long have you been seeing dead people?

“Or maybe this poor inconvenienced woman could glance at the calendar and realize that it’s December of 2011. Ike and Mamie aren’t in the White House anymore, dear. It’s a whole new world and if you cannot manage your affairs, perhaps you could arrange for someone to manage them for you. I find it difficult to sympathize with someone who had 6 or more decades to straighten out this birth certificate issue and didn’t bother.”

If Ike and Mamie were still in the White House we wouldn’t be having this problem. Mamie wouldn’t let it happen. And what is it with this “Get this situation straightened out” nonsense? Not having a birth certificate is not a “situation.” Finding your spouse in bed with three members of the bridge club is a “situation.”

“It’s too bad Ruthelle Frank is a willing pawn in the Democratic Party running plays from the Saul Alinsky playbook to destroy America.”

Where do I begin? Maybe with an intervention and an antipsychotic cocktail.

“Ruthelle can rectify this situation and everyone here knows it. She is 1 democrat vote, compared to the thousands upon thousands of fraudulent votes cast in Wisconsin every election. There is no way to track or rectify that except by requiring a photo ID to vote.”

“The Democrat initiative to neutralize voting reform is in plain sight, as shown in Sunday’s front page article. Also in plain sight is the Democrat initiative to make sure your vote is further diluted with illegal alien arrests at a 40 year low under the Obama regime. Make no mistake, the two go hand in hand to steal voting power from law abiding citizens who can produce valid ID and are citizens of the US.”

So there it is. Ms. Frank (and others) have to pay to vote – or not vote at all – to prevent fraud by the thousands upon thousands of liberal dead illegal alien democrats voting to destroy America with fraudulent votes cast in Wisconsin every election, part of the Democrat initiative to steal voting power from law abiding citizens who can produce valid ID and are citizens of the US.

Of course, both a state wide investigation by a Republican A.G. and a report from the Brennan Center for Justice showed that voter fraud is almost non-existent with a rate of 0.0002% within the state as a whole (and none of which would have been prevented by requiring photo ID at the polls).

Excuse me while I go pound my head against a wall.


Posted on December 6, 2011, in Commentary, government, Humor, Other, Politics, Republicans, Scott Walker. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: