Before Man Invented Blow Dryers

Why We Use Curlers to Straighten Our Hair or “The Story of Early Hair Care”:

And on the first day God created shampoo. And he was pleased with his creation for it left the hair clean and free of foul odors but the people wailed and moaned and gnashed their teeth, saying unto him the shampoo left the hair in a tangled mass more densely knotted than the fur on the back of a yak.

And so on the second day God created Tame cream rinse and for a time the people were pleased and lifted their voices in praise. Then a great cry went up as of a thousand voices joined together and demanded aids so that the male hair which could now be combed could be styled to reflect its splendour.

And so on the third day God created Brylcreem so the males could slick their hair back on their heads and into assorted shapes and for a time the people were pleased and lifted their voices in praise. But the people valued wavy female locks above all others and those whose hair hung lifeless and without curls rent their garments asunder. Then a great cry went up as of a thousand voices joined together and demanded aids so that the female hair which could now be combed could be styled in a more desirable fashion.

And so on the fourth day God created Dippity-do and bobby pins, so that the females could curl their hair and arrange it in ever more complicated patterns about their heads, and for a time the people were pleased and lifted their voices in praise. But then a great cry went up as of a thousand voices joined together and demanded why God had cursed those unfortunate females who were blighted with hair which did not fall in an unbroken line, for curls were no longer in style, and the people sought to undo the curse with the sacrifice of many fatted calfs.

And so on the fifth day God created irons and ironing boards, so that the females could remove the waves from their hair and be as one with each other, and for a time the people were pleased and lifted their voices in praise. But then a great cry went up as of a thousand voices joined together and demanded why their God was a cruel God who forced females to apply heated metal plates to their scalps causing much pain and anguish.

And so on the sixth day God created large cardboard tubes labeled as orange juice from concentrate so that the females might remove the waves from their hair by winding their damp locks around the empty tubes where thence the hair would dry and the waves be banished and for a time the people were pleased and lifted their voices in praise.

And on the seventh day, afraid that the people would next demand mousse, he rested.

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Posted on October 7, 2011, in Commentary, Humor, Other. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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