Please Don’t Shoot the Messenger

Article II (of what’s called the Bill of Rights): “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

This is Yoda speak for: listen, we just overthrew unilateral rule by a monarchy so we’re a little touchy on the subject of subjugation. Right now, as a loose coalition of states, the only thing between us and being conquered by outsiders is our ability to grab our trusty single-shot, muzzle-loading musket from the closet and run out the door to meet up with the other guys in town to repel invaders. After all, it’s not like we have a standing army to defend us and we’re a little leery of losing our state rights so we want to keep the right to have our own militia thank you very much.

Yes, Mrs. Higgins knows you slept through this chapter because you flunked the quiz and frankly my dear, she doesn’t give a damn (that you flunked the quiz because you need consequences but she does care whether you grasp basic concepts like this because conservatives and wingnuts like the N.R.A. have really got this screwed up).

Newsflash to wingnuts and nut jobs: what you call the “Second Amendment” and the “right to keep and bear arms” referred to the states’ right to maintain a civilian militia. That’s it. Nothing more or less than that. I don’t care what some lily-livered, weak-kneed, spineless judges have said in deference to powerful lobbyists, it was not an unlimited birth right to maintain a personal arsenal bigger than most NATO nations currently have stockpiled. Nor does it mean you should be able to pack heat whenever and wherever you want.

And if you disagree then consider moving to Somalia or some other delightfully unregulated gun market in Africa. Please. I hear they even let you have your own weapons grade plutonium over there. And SAM’s. And other essential hunting tools. Send us your forwarding address when you get there so we know which country to avoid.

So yes – the government should be able to regulate gun ownership and possession. Including what guns you can own. And what training you should have. And what kind of ammo. Because if you choose to hunt that’s entirely up to you but I really don’t think that going after Bambi with an AK-47 is sportsmanlike conduct. And if you want a handgun as part of your personal home protection plan, that’s fine, so long as you don’t decide you want to take it to the local mall and start slaughtering people. Or get mad because your wife is going to divorce you so you chase her down and shoot her and several co-workers who made the mistake of coming to work sick that day because their employer doesn’t offer paid sick leave. Or get drunk and pissed off at a local bar. Or leave it where one or more young children can find it and start to play cowboy with the neat toy. Or decide it’s okay to shoot the purse snatcher in the back as he flees. Bang, bang.

Because nobody needs assault rifles like the AR-15 used in the Colorado massacre. Or high-capacity 100 round magazines.

What’s that? The N.R.A. says that infringes on your second amendment rights? See what I mean about them being wingnuts?

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Posted on September 20, 2011, in Commentary, government, Humor, Other, Politics, Second Amendment. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. So, the rest of us liberal wingnuts need to carry a concealed weapon to protect us from the pscho ex-husband, the mall shooter and FOR SURE the Gov.

    Now, please tell those crazy (wingnut) politicians in WI and IL (the last 2 holdouts) to allow concealed carry in their states for those of us who have no criminal past, mental illness, or belief that law enforcement can always be there to protect us…

  2. Oh….and by the way there’s a lot of us liberals that are hunters and gun lovers.

    We don’t join the NRA, we don’t put bumper stickers on our pickups and are very quiet about the weapons we carry legally…for obvious reasons.

    • I don’t have a problem with guns. Just the people who misconstrue the second amendment as giving them the unfettered right to own and carry them (without any regulations or limits). Scary folk.

  3. UPDATE: Wisconsin did just pass the right to concealed carry! Hell musta froze over! Anyway, now the good guys can have guns too….cause we know the bad guys alweays have them….no matter WHAT regulations there are!

    It’d be nice if no one had guns in the world…but then the psychopaths would use the lead pipe in the library…like Mr. Mustard did.

    • Thought you knew that. And I think you missed the point of my original post. The reality is that having a handgun does not make people safer. While it may give most people a false sense of security it does make them – or someone they know – more likely to be hurt. In countries with strict gun regulation – especially of handguns – the rates of gun deaths and injuries are drastically lower than in the U.S. I’ll take my chances with Mr. Mustard and the lead pipe.

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