Please Explain

Dear Republicans,

You keep saying stuff that just doesn’t make any sense to me so I beg of you, please help me understand.

You say we need to take our country back. Could you tell me who actually took it and where they put it? You have me worried  because my town seems to be exactly where it’s always been so if I’ve been drugged and moved to China while I was snoozing I sure would like to know about it.

And you say we need to deregulate because regulations are job killers. This has me confused. What jobs have been killed and which regulations killed them? And which regulations do you want to end?

  • The ones that keep our air and water clean?
  • The ones that prohibit forced labor?
  • The ones that govern workplace safety and working conditions?
  • The ones that keep our food from poisoning us?
  • The one that make medicines safe and effective?
  • The ones that prevent buildings from falling down?
  • The ones that keep our children alive?
  • The ones that assure a minimum level of competency in licensed professionals?
  • The ones that keep our highways and transportation systems safe to use?

So please – tell me exactly which regulations you don’t think are necessary and why.

This next one is a biggie. Your mantra. Cut taxes on the rich and on corporations. I’m REALLY interested in this one.

You keep saying that high taxes are the reason for all of our problems, from the global economic meltdown to job flight to swine flu. And you say it even when taxes on those groups are at historic lows. And even though everyone – even [trumpets blare] Reagan’s economic advisors admit trickle down doesn’t work. And even though, historically, economic downturns always follow tax cuts on those groups, and economic prosperity follows tax increases on those groups. And you say that cutting taxes on the rich and corporations is the key to our salvation. Even though nobody has ever been able to show a correlation between lower corporate taxes and job growth.

So if what you’re saying is really true, you should have lots of well documented, tangible proof showing it. Which you wouldn’t mind sharing.

So could you please send me a copy?

And the defense budget. You say we have to cut government spending. Except for the defense budget. Which we should never cut and in fact should probably increase. Which really confuses me. Especially when combined with your insistence on smaller government. Exactly how do we get a smaller government by spending more money on defense? And why exactly can’t we cut the defense budget?

And on the subject of government size, why do you insist government is the problem and we need less of it while at the same time you keep enlarging it? And as you demand less regulation, why do you keep adding regulations about my uterus? That’s right: the very first thing you do when demanding fewer regulations is to add regulations about reproduction, including mandating probes inserted into my vagina. What’s up with that? And PLEASE do not tell me it’s to protect me from more trauma. I know trauma: I’ve been sexually assaulted.

If you want to probe my vagina, it’s only fair that all male Republicans have to be probed first, don’t you think? And if not, why not?

Thank you and please let me know when I can expect the courtesy of your reply.


Posted on September 6, 2011, in Commentary, government, Humor, Politics, Republicans. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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