Desperately Seeking Stupid

Thank goodness for craigslist – where guys who want to take pictures of naked women finally have a place to search for the thousands of women who have been desperately searching for guys to take pictures of them naked.

It’s quick. It’s easy. And best of all, it’s free. All they have to do is post an anonymous ad with absolutely no identifying information seeking “models.“ So many guys are looking for women to photograph “for their personal collection” that sometimes it’s the only type of ad posted under “Talent Gigs.” (Yes, I know that removing all your clothing doesn’t require any talent but craigslist doesn’t have a category for that – maybe it should, but it doesn’t).

Talent gigs posted in Madison WI on July 30th:

  • super adult female models needed – (madison)
  • New Models Needed – (Minneapolis) [for “a faceless nude shoot”]
  • pretty ladies needed – (madison west) [looking for “girls (18 yr +) interested in doing some amatuer pictures of the following genres: Jeans and tshirts; bikini; short-shorts”]
  • female model needed – (madison) [“for topless shoot. Safe and fun environment–are you naughty enough? If so, send a pic for consideration!”]

These delusional males are looking for: “lingerie modelling,” “Web Model ,” “Amateur Swimsuit Models,” “Glamour Model,” “petite models,” “full-figured models,” “bra and panty models,” even “golf/caddy models” to drive a cart in a bikini while the “Golf Pro” takes “bikini pics along the way.” Don’t stress because “Knowlage of golf not necessary.”

And of course women everywhere will want to drop their tops and dash right over for a once in a lifetime opportunity like this: “We need black models of all sizes for topless pictures asap!

What the ads all have in common is 1) a guy who 2) wants to take photographs of you 3) without most (or any) of your clothes who 4) most of the time thinks you will do it for free AND 5) thinks you believe he will keep the pictures private and will never, ever share the pictures with anyone and of course would never, ever think of releasing them onto the internet.

So here we have thousands of nameless guys across the country – maybe even around the world – seeking women they don’t know who will take off their clothing so a random stranger can take their picture. And the only thing I can think is: “is any woman dumb enough to respond?”

I mean, here she has to send her personal information and photograph to an anonymous email address which – and maybe I’m really off-base here – doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence that this guy is a professional photographer. Or even owns a camera. Or is someone who is not in fact a convicted felon who just escaped from prison where he is serving a life sentence for impersonating a photographer. And he is asking for her personal information. And photos. Which she will be sending to an anonymous email address.

Could any woman be that dumb? Not only to respond to the ad, but to think it might be a way to become a professional model? Nobody could be that stupid – could they?

But then I realize that thousands of guys around the world are posting these ads and I have to wonder – would they be posting these ads if no one ever replied? Yes – I know that lots of guys are that stupid but still – someone must be responding – even if it’s just a lonely Russian lady looking for love. Which would explain a lot.

For example, this guy “I’m looking for full figured ladies–d cup or bigger to do topless pics! Only for my personal enjoyment and nothing else;-) Make easy money in a safe, sane, and fun environment!

Or this guy, who understands that a woman’s head is completely superfluous:  “I am looking for curvy girls (18 yr+) for some topless photos. None will be taken of your face so you can remain anonymous! If interested, send a pic showing your physique.

And this one: “looking to photograph pretty coeds (18-25 years) in the Madison area.

[if you didn’t get that the first time he immediately repeats it]

Amateur photographer is looking to photograph pretty coeds (18-25 years) in the Madison area.

[and in case you didn’t understand what he wanted the first two times he said it which is perfectly understandable if you are dumb enough to respond to his ad]

Are you an attractive college age girl who is in need of some spending money? If so, I am willing to pay to photograph you. Compensation is on a sliding scale that depends on the types of photos, but I am open to everything from bikini/lingerie, to full nudity…..It’s really up to what you are comfortable with and how much you want to make. Nervous beginners are welcome.

Please reply with age, height and picture of yourself. Replies with pictures get priority.”

Or this: “We are looking for Open Minded Female models for adult videos and image work.  We do not care of you have any experience or not, just be willing to open up in front of the camera.” I cannot believe they wrote that: an x-rated nude model “willing to open up in front of the camera.”  Gross. But wait – there’s more: You must provide your age, your height, your weight, your bust size, a contact number, best time to call and a minimum of 3 pictures for us to review. They do not have to be nude but since this is for adult work at least one nude would be nice. 

And then there’s this guy – who is not only NOT offering payment – he indicates the model should be paying him to take naked pictures, because after all, nobody else would want to:

I am looking for a female model for classy nude shots. … I will do a TFCD shoot. (TIME FOR CD) This is the perfect opportunity for anyone looking for shots for a topless dancing carreer … this is a good opportunity for someone. If you have priced these shoots you know im right.

So there you are. Send your personal information and picture out over the internet to you don’t know who at you don’t know where and then … WTF? Are you out of your mind? Why would you do that? Are you trying to give women everywhere a bad name? Haven’t we struggled for generations to be taken seriously, to gain credibility as rational beings and you’d throw us under the bus for a chance like this????

I am looking for female models 18+ for adult pics. Pay will depend in body type and pics that are taken . You need to have your own clothing to model in. Pics will be kept and used for my portfolio so but not posted on the web. If you would like a copy for your portfolio I would also provide that for you. Last time I did this in Dallas I had 230 response so this time please include 3 pics of yourself at least 1 needs to be topless. If you can’t then why are you looking at this post. If you want to show me more you can. I do need your age location cup size and waist size

Step right up, female models, and send topless photos of yourself to an unidentified stranger who will keep them for many personal happy endings, but of course “not posted on the web.” And if you’re willing to do that, I have a bridge I’d like to sell you. In a “safe and fun environment.” Just send your bank account and credit card info to my anonymous email address.

And to the dude seeking “older women, above the age of 35″ for “Erotic Nude Photography” here’s a newsflash. A 36 year-old woman is not an older woman unless you are comparing her to a 35 year-old woman as in “this 36 year-old is an older woman than this 35 year-old.” Other than that, an older woman is someone older, as in aged, as in maybe 65+. And even then some 66 year-old will come along and knock your lights out for calling her that.

Posted on August 12, 2011, in Commentary, Humor, men. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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